11/01/2010

Meet Zombie Dick

Story Submitted by Angelina:

This happened just yesterday.  Drake was at a Halloween party that my friend Leah was throwing.  He came dressed as a living statue.  I was Tinkerbelle.  We fixated on each other instantly.  We talked, danced, and went for a walk together around Leah's neighborhood.

While we were out, he asked me if I wanted to see something scary.

I told him that I'd be up for it, as long as it didn't involve going too far.  There were other people at the party that I wanted to talk to, but I was definitely enjoying my time with Drake.

He asked me if I had a lipstick or eyebrow pencil on me.  I told him that I did, in my purse, in the closet back at Leah's.  He asked if we could swing back and grab it.  He said, "I want to show you a neat trick."

We returned to Leah's, I ran upstairs, grabbed a lipstick, and came back outside with it.  Before handing it to him, I asked him what he was going to do with it.

He said that he wasn't going to use very much of it, and that it would still be usable afterward.  I gave it to him.  He went around a corner of the house and came back a moment later with the lipstick, a giant grin, and his coat wrapped tightly around himself.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Yes..." I said.

He opened his coat.  His penis and balls hung out, painted with red, squiggly lipstick lines.

I screamed and ran inside.  He yelled after me, "It's zombie dick!"

I found the first group of friends I could when I reentered, and buried myself in conversation.  I didn't want to humiliate him, so I didn't mention it to anyone.  He came back in a few minutes later as if nothing was wrong.  He even found me and handed me my lipstick.

I told him, "No thanks. You can keep it."

He asked for my number not too long after, but I don't give my numbers to zombie dicks.  It just brings trouble.

10 comments:

  1. I'm having trouble with the zombie concept here. What was he expecting after? I don't know one woman who has ever wanted to get it on after a penis flash, much less a make up smeared surprise Hallo-weenie that is dead.

    ReplyDelete
  2. ...Put your lipstick...on my dipstick!

    ReplyDelete
  3. "... but I don't give my numbers to zombie dicks. It just brings trouble."

    Sadly it sounds like you are speaking from experience here ?!? LOL

    At least you found out about his true low-level of maturity quickly.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Jared, you should make a tag for all the stories that involve guys flashing their dicks at girls on the first date/prior to dating. I bet that we'd have a TON of entries in that particular archive folder. :P

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm guessing there's a site called www.ishouldagirlmydickwithinminutesofmeetingheranditworked.com that has many entries for anyone to try this

    ReplyDelete
  6. It's funny that when a woman flashes a guy, it has the opposite effect.

    ReplyDelete
  7. ^ Even for fat, greasy women?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Have there been stories of women flashing men here? it'd be interesting to hear the reactions and see if they're the same..

    ReplyDelete
  9. @Baku-chan:

    Especially.

    ReplyDelete
  10. zombie dicks are the worst.

    -RB
    http://justaddwaterlife.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.