Girl Power

Story Submitted by Kat:

I had attempted online dating once before and it ended in disaster.  Then I met a great guy, not online, and we hit it off and went on five dates before he disappeared.  After that, I swore off dating for a while... which turned into two years without a date.

It wasn't until earlier this year that I decided to give online dating another go.  Dave wasn't the first guy to message me, but he was the first one who could string a sentence together as if he was actually college-educated.  It was ridiculous that a guy, on the sole merit of his NOT asking me to flash him, had an instant in.  "Online dating" must be a euphemism for, "lowest common denominator."

Dave had a strong sense of curiosity, and I'll admit that I was curious about him as well.  He had been in several more relationships than I had, but he was very patient when I told him that I wanted to take things slowly.

After I told him that I hadn't had any kind of relationship in a while, he asked, "Have you been approached by any guys in the past two years?"

I told him that I had been, although I hadn't taken any up.

To that, he said, "Yeah, right.  I'll help you out there."

I wasn't sure what he meant, but somehow he changed the subject and upon later reflection, I guessed that he was kidding around.

When we met in person, after talking for over a month, the first thing he did was to give me a hug, which was nice.  His hand reached down to my butt and smacked it.  Not as nice.  I didn't say anything about it, though.  Based on what I thought I knew about him, he was a good guy.

At dinner, he asked me, "How would you like the honor of having me be the first guy in two years to sleep with you?"

A mercy fuck?  How romantic!  I said, "I'd have to decline."

"You've forgotten how sex feels.  Let me remind you."

I informed him, "I remember how it feels."

"Not with me, you don't.  I've been told that I'm great."

I said, "I don't think that this is going to work."  We exchanged goodbyes and I left.

Not long after I made it to my house, there was a knock at the door.  I looked through the peephole.  It was Dave.

"We started off on the wrong foot," he said, through the door, "Let's try this again.  I bought wine."  He held up a bottle.

How had he found out where I lived?  That was my next question.

"Internet," he said, "Let me in."

I said, "If you don't leave right now, I'll come out there myself and kick your ass."

He smiled.  "I'd like that."

As he continued to knock and work the doorknob, I dug out a baseball bat that I kept under my bed for just such a purpose.

I made it back to the door, thought about warning him a second time, realized that doing so might have made me lose my nerve, then opened the door, screamed, and advanced on him with the bat.

I was hoping to not have to use it, and I wasn't disappointed.  He made a face as if he had spontaneously shit himself, stumbled back, and took off.  He dropped the wine bottle on my lawn, and it didn't break.

I picked it up from where it had fallen the next morning.  It was already opened.

The incident hasn't scared me away from dating forever, but I haven't gone out to look for anyone since then, and you'd better believe that I deleted my profile immediately after.


  1. I will pray to you at night before bed.

  2. I will prey on you at night before bed.

    Additionally, I love that he tried to woo you with Internet stalking and a roofie'd bottle of wine. SO CLASSY.

    Out of curiosity, what kind of bat?


  4. Thank you! A chick coming out swinging instead of calling the police. Finally. I mean, there are times to call, but there are also times to grab a bat and curse like a sailor.

  5. "Based on what I thought I knew about him, he was a good guy."

    Which was basically nothing since it had been over the computer and you had no way of knowing what type of person he actually was.

    Still, I liked the way you solved the problem! definitely more interesting than calling the police. Hopefully some girl doesn't end up getting date raped by him!

  6. A bat to the head is also often the lowest common denominator with dudes like this. Good story.


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