Daddy, Say it Ain't So

Story Submitted by Jacques:

Helen and I were in a community play together and started spending time together after rehearsals.  We kissed a couple of times, but nothing much more than that.  Life happened, as it sometimes does, she became busy, I became busy, and we stopped seeing each other as often.

The play went on, we put on a great show, we promised to stay in touch with each other, and that could've been that.

Over a year after the show, she called me out of the blue to meet and "discuss something important."

We met in person at a mall and we sat down in a food court.  She handed me her phone, where she had photos of a newborn baby.

"It's mine," she said, "And yours."

This was impossible, as we had never even taken each other's clothes off, much less had sex.  I reminded her of this and she said, "You were the only guy I've even messed around with in the  past two years, and I gave birth to Jenny about nine months after we were getting to know each other.  She has to be yours."

"She isn't."

"She has to be."

"Want me to take a paternity test?"


I couldn't believe that this was happening, but I made a deal with her that if it turned out that I wasn't the father, she would pay for the test, and if I was, then I would.  She asked me to pay the fee upfront, but I insisted that she pay it.  I promised to reimburse her completely if she was correct, and I even wrote out a contract.

We visited a clinic and I had them put a rush on it (for a substantial extra fee), as I wanted this out of my hair as soon as possible.

While we waited for the results, Helen called me up constantly, asking me to "come over and spend time with our daughter," or "look at the new photos of our little bundle of joy that I e-mailed you."

Very long story short, I wasn't the father.  I wrote Helen a "good luck" e-mail and I never heard from her again.  Perhaps Jenny was a virgin birth, and I was witness to a miracle.  More importantly, she wasn't mine.


  1. The fact that this is coming up for me with an ad for maternity clothes is amusing me at least as much as the story itself. I wonder if there is a particular store that caters to women who have no idea how babies are made.

  2. Well she could go on the Maury Show and find out. He is NOT the father. HAHA

  3. Why did she wait months after her daughter's birth to contact this guy again? I'll bet the real father fled and she was just desperate for a baby daddy.

  4. "She has to be yours"
    "She isn't"
    "She has to be"

    It kind of sounds like she knows who the father is but is in denial about it, like if Verne Troyer or Gary Coleman turned out to be your baby's daddy.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.