Your Application's in the Circular File

Submitted by Kate:

I met Dennis online.  We hit it off, and I asked him if he'd be up for meeting on a Friday or Saturday.

He said that he could "pencil me in" on the following Wednesday evening, and he named a place.  This place, however, was a bit of a hassle for me to visit on a weeknight, as it was on the other side of the city.  I asked him if he'd want to meet in a more central location.

For that, he said that I'd then have to wait a while, as he "didn't have any other openings for the immediate future."

This seemed like a silly thing for me to be hung up on, so I agreed to meet him at the place he specified.  "Don't be late," he warned me via e-mail.

The day of the date, he called for two reasons.  First was to perfunctorily ask me how I was doing.  The second was to tell me, "Be on time, please."

What was with this guy?  I valued punctuality, but he seemed a little too hands-on about it.  I said I'd be on time.  What else do you want?

I made it there well before 6:30, our scheduled meeting time.  When I went inside the cafe, I saw that he was already there, speaking to another woman.  He didn't notice me, and I didn't think anything of it at the time, but ordered a tea and waited until just before 6:30 to go over to him.

Just before 6:30, she stood up and left.  I walked over to him with my tea.  He greeted me warmly.  I told him that I had made it there early and had waited while he was with his friend.  He said, "Oh yeah.  She's just someone from work."

Time flew.  I had a decent time with him, although he checked his watch every few minutes.  After a little while, he glanced at his watch once more and said, "Well, time to wrap things up."

"That was fast.  You have to go?" I asked.

He said, "No.  You do.  I have another date right at 7:30, and it's 7:27.  Time to go.  I'll call if I'm interested."

He had run it like a job interview.  I felt humiliated.  Then, I knew exactly what to say:

"I'll answer if I'm interested."

I left.

He called.

I didn't answer.


  1. Nice comeback. It isn't the first time I've heard of this type of incident... like a one-person speed dating event. Is this common?

  2. I think he was a very efficient person. I see nothing wrong with this at all..it's like 'mass marketing'.
    It might have been better to tell you ahead of time of what he was up to so that it wasn't a 'surprise' to you because then you might have decided not to bother...but overall, I see nothing wrong with what he did. The fact that he called you, still doesn't mean he was totally into you...he might have just been keeping his options open.

  3. I think you should have hung out at another table and heckled his other applicants.

    "Don't forget to ask if she's allergic to penicillen! 'cause you know, that... "thing" you have down there..."

    Just tryin' to be helpful.

  4. Hmmm... I've run from a date that ended up being an overnighter to another date the next afternoon. But that was not planned and felt awkward, even though I liked them both.

    Bottom line is it's insulting being dismissed, and to find out this information at the last minute is rude.

    That said, I actually think I'd be down with this, BUT you've got to be upfront and make sure the other participant is willing. Keep it light and make a game out of it.

    I like speed dating as I have found I know almost immediately if I'm interested in the guy or not. 99% of the time it's been not, so why waste your time on one a night?

  5. Sadly, Dennis would wonder for years afterward why, even though he went on dates and such, he had trouble making progress in the "warm, intimate human relationships" department...

  6. ...well... this kinda upsets me in the same way it upsets me when I find out a girl I'm dating is dating other guys...

    It's not like you have some sort of "going steady" agreement yet... it just has that sort of dirty feel to it.

  7. I agree that a little disclosure prior to the date/prior to the keepin' it casual is in order. Nothing wrong with wanting to keep your options open, but man...when you don't say anything until three minutes before your next date, you end up looking like a control-freak, workaholic, sociopathic douchebag.

  8. Howie - You see nothing wrong with this? Either you got to go rethink your life or you're insecure with no standards. Give yourself a little more self respect. Of course theres something wrong with this, maybe you wouldn't of cared but more people would find it insulting and un-called for.


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