Why Don't More Women Do This?

Submitted by Ethan:

I was on my only date with Anne when somehow or other we made it to talking about past relationships.

She said, "My last boyfriend broke up with me because I asked him if he had a hard time walking because of the stuff between his legs."

I was in a playful mood, so I responded, "So did he?"

She said, "I don't know.  Right after that he said, 'I think we should break up.'"

Something didn't add up.  She had previously mentioned that this had been a three-year relationship, and most three-year relationships I know of don't end because of a question such as that.

I asked her to elaborate more, but she became defensive and so I dropped it.

After dinner, we were walking and she asked, "Did I show you my tattoo?"

I didn't even know that she had a tattoo, and the question itself was strange.  We had just met.  Wouldn't she have remembered showing me a tattoo?

She lifted her shirt.  A verse was written in black, Chinese letters around her navel.

"What's it say?" I asked.

"It's Shakespeare," she said.

"Which verse?"

"Just his name.  In Chinese."

She rolled her shirt down and said, "I have four tattoos.  Maybe you'll see the other ones someday."


She asked, "Want to know where it is?"


"I'm not telling."

We kept walking and made it to a bench.  When we sat, she put her leg on top of mine and said, "I'm so tempted to show you my other tattoos.  Why don't I just show you?"

"Why don't you?"

She looked around and said, "Follow me."

She stood up and I followed her down a side street and up someone's driveway.  She leaned against a garage and pulled down her pants.

Her upper left thigh had three small tattoos, in black ink, of penises and scrotum.

"A friend did them for me.  I got the first one after I lost my virginity, and every time afterward," she explained.

"Wow," I said, "That's great."

She pulled her pants back up.  "Get your mind out of the gutter. boy.  We're not going to do anything tonight."


She was right.  We didn't do anything that night, aside from the fact that she tried to slide her tongue deep enough to reach my small intestine when we kissed goodnight.


  1. Why don't more girls do what? Make you worried that at any moment she could put a bucket on her head and charge a brick wall? Gosh, I dunno.

  2. Why hasn't this girl shown up on the "Ugliest Tattoos" website? Or maybe she has and I just haven't checked recently enough.

  3. "Why don't more girls do what? Make you worried that at any moment she could put a bucket on her head and charge a brick wall? Gosh, I dunno."

    That's comedy gold right there. Thanks for laugh nomatophobia!

  4. Nikki, I think in twenty years she's going to start stitching the actual penises to her torso, turning herself into a walking trophy case.

    OP definitely dodged a bullet, but may want to move and change his phone number just in case she remembers him in the future.

  5. The OP dodged a bullet...Oh, and by bullet, I mean, 'what could have potentially been fantastic sex with this cum bucket!'
    If he wasn't into her at all, why did the kiss happen? And since it did happen, and she stuck her tongue deep into his stomach cavity, why did it end there?

    This story ended with no conclusion, so I think it's just a beard for this guy cause he must be gay.

  6. I'm all for some OP trashing, Howie, but I think we've all had a polite kiss end with an uninvited tongue. I'm not feeling the Hidden Secret Details plot for this date. Also, I'd like to think it takes more than three partners to be a cum bucket - I'm sure you had at least that many cocks when you boarded at summer camp in middle school.

    I have thigh tattoos rating the sex I had with my partners represented by the junk food I'd rather have eaten. Since I'm so slutty it looks more like the trail of tunnels in an ant farm by this point, and sadly some have rated "raw tacks".

  7. Howie: maybe she wasnt on the right side of the Vicky Mendoza diagonal?

  8. Reminds me of that story about the really tall woman who kept talking about sex, but wouldn't have sex with the guy since he wasn't taller and then got pissed when HE talked about sex . . .

  9. Dear old dad...I appreciate the memories, Howie. It's nearly the anniversary of his fatal heart attack from shock at realizing a human penis could mb as small and ugly as yours. Let's leave some flowers on his grave and you can wear his old trench coat and rape me for old time's sake. Hugs!

  10. ...that's the best you could do?
    Even if I could call you a cum bucket while doing it, I wouldn't...but thanks for the offer.

  11. I want a threesome with Howie and Fizziks.

  12. You can probably already guess what I want with Howie and Fizziks...

  13. ^Polite discourse and a fancy dinner?

  14. I have tattoos for each time Fizzik's dad has raped me. They correlate to where the trysts took place. My entire lower back is covered in pictures of Fizzik's bed.

  15. Rachel, Rachel, Rachel. Late to the party and you brought two buck Chuck.

  16. @neko - I concur with your analysis regarding the Vicky Mendoza diagonal.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.