Never Far Away

Submitted by Deborah:

Ben messaged me online and I read his profile before writing back. He had a line in there, separate from the others, that read, "Just because I was born on the right side of the tracks, it doesn't mean that I'm out of touch with what normal people suffer."

It struck me as a pretentious thing to have in a profile, and I wondered if it was a song lyric that I didn't recognize. Either way, it didn't make me want to write him back, so I didn't at first.

He wrote me a second message, a longer one, and seemed so intent on befriending me, that I thought, "Why not?" It was probably silly to ignore the guy because of one line, especially as the rest of his profile was unobjectionable.

Online and by phone, he came across as charming, but loud, as if he was talking to a room full of people at once. It was my idea to meet, as any guy who claims to have done missionary work in Eastern Europe and also have two summer homes, however you slice it, could be an interesting guy.

Curiously, though, he would always be evasive about how he had become so wealthy in the first place. His explanations ranged from "business dealings" to "inheritance," and when I playfully called him on the discrepancy, he brushed it off and said that it was a combination of both.

He took me out to a great place, and I was sure to offer to split the meal, but he would have none of it. "You're a beautiful woman," he said more than once.

I asked him to go into detail about his missionary work. He said that he had been to Poland, Russia, and Germany, and that he had been to the latter for almost a year. He even spoke some German to me.

"My favorite place in Germany was Vienna," he said.

"Vienna's in Austria," I said, "Were you there, too?"

He gave me a funny look and said, "Yeah. Austria. Wait, are you sure?"

I have been to Vienna, and I knew where it was. "Positive," I said, "Did you visit the Stadpark? And the Hofburg?"

He began, "No, I...  I didn't have..."

He started to cry. Talk about awkward! Was it something I had said?

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He said, "There was... there was a girl who..."

I reached my hand across the table. I felt really bad for this guy.

He pulled out two twenties and stood up. He said, "I'm sorry... Austria... I can't do this. I just... I'm sorry."

Putting money down was strange, as we hadn't ordered anything. I picked it up and handed it back to him. He pushed it back to me and said, "I'm sorry," again and left.

I thought it silly for him to give me so much money for nothing, so I threw down a few singles for the waitstaff's trouble, and I followed him out.

He was fast, though, and I lost him.

When I made it home, I put the twenties in an envelope, looked up his address online, and mailed them out.  His profile was blank the next day, and the day after that, he had written new profile essays, making him sound like a completely different person.

Of particular note was the line, "I've never traveled outside the U.S."


  1. I feel no sympathy for people who tell outrageous lies and then don't even bother to get any info to make it seem legit. Actually, I have no sympathy for people who lie, period. They expect people to be stupid and simply accept their lies. I love it when it backfires.

    I would like to know about this other girl he mentioned. Did she dump him because he wasn't well traveled?

  2. You gotta be facking kidding me!

  3. You thought he was interesting because he claimed to have 2 summer homes? Whore.

  4. HAHA this is great. Good job on calling out this weirdo.

    Hopefully his next victim is as keen as you were, and he makes a complete ass of himself once again.

  5. @Andrew: If a woman is interested in a guy because he has 2 summer homes, it doesn't make her a whore. Whores are paid to perform sexual acts for men. What you meant to say is that the OP is a gold-digger. Now, I disagree with your opinion for a variety of reasons, but I wanted to let you know that your opinion was inherently flawed to begin with.

  6. lol, that was awesome. Glad you caught him in his lie.

    You should have made a new profile too, and could have given back his 20s at your next day. It would be fun to make the guy cry again in public.

    @Andrew: awww, that's so cute. You found a reason to call her a whore. You had to ignore most of her post to justify it, but kudos for putting in the effort.

  7. *"next date"

  8. There it is...A grown man crying on a date because, through luck and circumstance, you called him out.

    Sad. He really hoped you couldn't see through his charade of a life. Loser, Liar, online profile on fire!

    Good for you Deborah!

    -- Not all guys online are like that ---

  9. ...the way I read this posting was that he was upset about a girl from his past in Austria and nothing to do with having being caught up in a lie.

    Sure, geography may not be his strong suit....I mean, he traveled a lot and maybe he just got a bit mixed up with locations. For example...my current girlfriend enjoys Dildo.
    Nope. Don't go there.
    It's a place in Newfoundland Canada. Look it up.

    But I think she was being a bit of a curious gold digger...but I don't blame her for it.

  10. ^ I doubt it since, after the failed date with the OP, he then claimed on the site that he had never been out of the U.S., so I'm going to assume that he hasn't really traveled much.

  11. ^ Maybe he didn't want more reminders of lost love and heart ache.

  12. @ Andrew. If she were a gold digger, she would have kept the forty bucks. Hey, I'm not a golddigger and I would have kept the forty bucks.


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