Didn't I See You on Animal Planet?

Submitted by Denise:

I met Joe at a mutual friend's birthday party.  He had a great sense of humor, even though he relentlessly poked fun at what I do (I work at a company's investor relations unit).

When he picked me up for our first date, he opened his car door for me, insisted that he also open it when we made it to the restaurant (our "first stop of the night," as he put it), and opened the restaurant door for me.

When we sat down, he took my coat and helped me push my chair in when I sat down.  Very gentlemanly, but certainly not expected.  I had every intention of offering to pay for my share of dinner, and I told him so.

He said, "No way, José.  Not on my date.  The only thing you have to do is to be a woman."

I had that down pat.  It was a strange thing to say, though, and a little warning bell, the first of many that evening, went off.

When the waiter came to take our orders, Joe ordered for me, without having asked what I wanted.  I'm a vegetarian, and he ordered me something with chicken.  I cut in that I would have actually rather had the vegetarian wrap.

The waiter left and Joe asked, "Since when is chicken not vegetarian?"

I told him, "Since it came from an animal.  That makes it meat."

He blinked, as if I had taught him something new.  "Chicken?" he asked.

I nodded.  "It's an animal."

He stared at me for almost a full minute.  I couldn't tell if he was working something out or if he was fuming mad.  Either way, it was the most uncomfortable minute of my life.

I attempted conversation and asked him about himself.  He was all too eager to discuss that topic.

After dinner, we climbed into his car and he asked if I wanted to take a walk by a nearby river.  I'd typically be up for it, but it was chilly out, so I suggested that we hit up a coffee place for dessert.

"Dessert?" he said.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Dessert?" he repeated.

"Yes.  Or tea.  Or a snack."

"Dessert?  Dessert?" he repeated a few times more.  For the second time that night, but not the last, I felt as if things weren't going too well.

I asked, "Does that sound good?"

Instead of driving us to a coffee place, he drove me back to my neighborhood and parked a few blocks away from my house.

He turned to me.  "Do you know how to pleasure a man?"

I smirked and leaned in, closer to him.  That, of course, was a distraction.  My hand reached back and unlocked the car door.  In a flash, I was out of the car, hurrying down the street, towards my house.

But I wasn't alone.

"Hey," he said, and chased me down the block, on foot.

I sped up.  He did, too.  I could hear his feet pounding the pavement, and could hear his breathing, closer and closer.

I scrambled for my keys, found the right one, ran around to the back of my house, let myself in, slammed the door closed, and locked it.

He made it to the door right afterward and knocked as if it was a friendly visit.  I heard him say, "Hey, you forgot something.  Me!"

I didn't reply, but I did call the police.  He was gone by the time they showed up, and I never saw or heard from him again.  It was a couple of years ago, but I still look over my shoulder every now and then.


  1. Nice. Our first Bad Case of the Rapes story in a while.

  2. Seems like a bit of an over-reaction. He asked for sex.. you can just say, "not interested." Why would you leap out of the car and run away? He didn't use any physical force, lock the car door on you, or any other real warning sign.. I don't think confusion about whether chicken is meat means he's a rapist.

  3. He made jokes about you being in investor relations? Such as...? I haven't heard a good investor relations joke in awhile.
    Must have been one hilarious guy. Investor relations is comedy gold.
    GOLD, I tells ya.

  4. How many investor relations specialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


  5. He was a rapist for sure. Too bad OP didn't have a stun gun she could zap him with.
    "Do you know how to pleasure a man?"
    "Sure, I have this nifty little pleasure contraption in my purse. Whip it out and let's give it a go."

  6. Well, duh...! How could you be so blind?
    By you asking if he wanted dessert, it was clearly an invite for him to offer you some 'throat yogurt"...

  7. I have to agree with Jason I think the OP over reacted too. I didn't get that he was a rapist I got that he was moron who was socially awkward and was trying WAY TOO HARD to impress this girl. He was trying to be slick and smooth with the whole "do you know how to pleasure a girl thing?" She really didn't need to run away like that, don't get me wrong I get that she didn't feel comfortable and it's always better to be safe than sorry but I still think the guy was just stupid.
    Either way glad OP is safe.

  8. PS When he didn't realize that chicken was meat my first thought was is he related to Jessica Simpson "is this chicken or tuna? LOL sorry just couldn't help my self

  9. She ran away, locked herself in the house AND called the police! THE POLICE! I've been in far worse situations than this and I've never called the cops in. Well crap, just that once, but it was totally called for as he dropped trou and had locked me in his house without my noticing (at about 8AM, he was a neighbor making coffee and distracted me with a magazine).

    Anyway, this still seems a bit much here OP. I was with you until then, this guy sounds like a tool.

  10. pretty sure I went on a date with the same dude. any chance this happened in Austin, TX? what a creeper

  11. @Jason & Melina: He had the OP in a small, confined space. That IS a warning sign. I don't understand people who think a woman has to wait until she's being punched in the head before trying to escape.


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