Behind the Bathroom Door

Submitted by Bob:

Kelly was a third-grade teacher who I encountered online.  She seemed very enthusiastic about teaching and had a very strong personality.  Her messages to me implied very strongly that everyone from her parents to her friends to ex-boyfriends had wronged her in various ways, but that she came out on top of things every time.

It was a little off-putting, but she seemed genuinely curious about me and we didn't have a lack of things to talk about.  I asked her out on a date to a restaurant and she accepted.

Not too long after we had ordered our meals, I excused myself to use the restroom.

I wasn't in the stall for two minutes when the door opened and someone came in.

Funny, it sounded like high heels, clicking on the tile floor.

Fingers curled around the top of my stall door.  A pair of eyes looked over the door and down at me, on the toilet.  Kelly's eyes.

I stared at her, unsure of what to say or do until the right words showed up:

"What the hell?"

She said, "Just checking," and slipped away from the door and back out to the restaurant.

After that, I hurried to finish my business and returned to the table, where she was waiting.

I didn't sit down, but I asked her, again, "What the hell?"

She said, "I had a guy on a date once excuse himself to go to the bathroom.  He was gone a long time, and when I went to look for him, I found him on the phone with some slut."

She had stopped, but I didn't say anything, hoping that she'd continue, hopefully adding something that made sense.

She finished, "So you can't blame me.  Sit down."

I sat down, and went along with the rest of the date as if her behavior was nothing to be worried about.  Not even when she said, "I might do that again, once or twice.  If you've got nothing to hide, you've got nothing to be afraid of."

I was afraid, all right, and made sure that that was the only time I ever saw her.


  1. Wow, an actual bad date! Bravo!

  2. Boiled rabbit in the future!

  3. Blumpkin.

    That's all I'ma say here...

  4. Wow... Unbelievable. I guess finishing the dinner was OK, but Wow...

    Truly a Case of a very Bad Date!

  5. Finishing the dinner was a bad idea. Any girl who's ranting and raving about all the people who've done her wrong will obviously end up with massive trust issues.

    Although I like the idea of the tracking device on his nuts. That's a great visual. ;D

  6. And here I thought she was gonna join you in that stall for some fun . . . I shoulda known better!

  7. You should have invited her into the stall with you... gay sauce...


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