Who Wore Short Shorts?

Submitted by Joe:

Corinne was a dancer (in a regional troupe) who I met on the Internet. She came across as serious about her work, but also as someone who was able to relax during down time. Down time which, according to her, came far too rarely.

For a first date, I suggested that we do an early dinner. She had other ideas.

"Let's go to the mall!" she said.

So we went to the mall and walked around. She was absolutely stunning in person. I could imagine her dancing not only onstage, but also all over my bedroom.

We passed by the usual stores when she turned and asked, "Is it cool if I try on one or two things at Banana Republic?"

I had a feeling that "one or two things" meant "dozens of things" and that "Banana Republic" meant "everywhere." In any event, I told her to go for it, provided that we could do dinner sooner rather than later.

She took a couple of skimpy outfits into the dressing room that I had hoped she'd model for me.

She didn't come out for some time. When she did, she looked a bit shaken. I asked her if everything was okay, and she didn't respond. She put the outfits back up on the racks and we left.

She didn't say a word until we were out of the mall, when she turned to me and asked, "Am I fat?"

"Of course not," I said, automatically and truthfully.

She lifted up her blouse a bit to show off her stomach. What a beautiful stomach she had. She tapped it. "You're just saying that," she said, then rolled her shirt back down. "Don't you lie to me."

"I'm not. You're one of the least fattest people I know."

She said, "So you're saying I am fat, but just one of the least fat. Thanks, Joe."

She sped up and ahead of me along the sidewalk. I hurried to catch up. I said, "You're not fat at all! That's not how it was meant! Can we just do dinner, please?"

She spun to me and said, "Dinner will make me fat!"

I said, "I think you're fine. Let's just have dinner."

"No," she said, "I'm going back to the mall. There was something wrong with those shorts I tried on. You'll see."

I said, "No. I want to do dinner. We already did what you wanted to do.  Now I want to do dinner."

"What you want to do?  What you want to do?" she repeated as if trying to find hidden meaning.  "What you want to do doesn't matter.  I'm going back there with or without you."

"Fine.  Let's go back," I acquiesced.

She smiled and started back to the mall.  Then I said, "On second thought... bye," and I walked away from her.


  1. Always, always tell a woman she's fat whenever she asks, repeatedly. There's no better aphrodisiac than low self esteem & a devastatingly poor sense of self-worth.

    Warning, risks may include concussion, a frying pan to the throat & slight death.


  2. Proper responses when a woman asks you "Am I fat?":
    - Where?
    - Compared to what?
    - I like you no matter what size you are
    - (while sobbing) Why do you want to break up with me?

    I'm sure there are a few more that other readers can come up with. KF

  3. Fat?...You? Noooooooo....but your eyesight is perfect!

  4. @ kizyr..LMAO! LOVE the drama of it!! OP, FLAWLESS execution! you responded to every action with proper response and timing. low self-esteem bullet dodged! you know, i never understood why the "fine" girls always think they're fat, and the "fat" girls always think they're fine..smh..weird, huh?

  5. Rene, I've often wondered the same thing. Why fatties wear short-shorts and hotties wear sweatpants and throw up after every meal. Sadness.

    Good job, OP, finally recognizing that no amount of hotness is worth repeating "No you're not fat" over and over again for the rest of your life.

  6. I hate girls like that. If you're not going to believe the guy when he says you're not fat, why ask? It just puts the guy in an unfair, no-win situation.

  7. OP, you tool. I can't believe you wrote "dancing all over my bedroom"


  8. "Corinne was a dancer..."

    Right there at that moment was when you lost. I've met many dancers, and every single one of them was an emotional train-wreck.

  9. I hate it when girls who look amazing complain about being fat. Some of us have actual weight problems and struggle to lose weight. Some of us can exercise and eat right and still barely lose anything. Some of us have to second guess every meal just to maintain a healthy weight. And then there are those who can lose 10 pounds at the drop of a hat, and of course they always complain about how fat they are. Grargh.

  10. Echai, while I feel your pain as a Woman with Curves (or at least a lot of junk in the trunk), I have to warn you that saying things like that only sets you up for "fat bitch" jokes. :( Now that the anons are gone, though, perhaps there will be less of that?

  11. I hate when women do this. I HATE IT. It is the symptom of retarded ideals forced down young girls throats at a young age from every conceivable source.

    You know what I eagerly tell any girl who asks me that? " I HOPE so!" Because they suddenly wonder what the hell is going on, because I DO like fat girls so I'm not lying, and because suddenly it's no longer a bad thing within the space of our interaction.


  12. Ah, Frankie, I know it's years later, but you make a fat gal like me smile. :) Maybe I should stop eating these fourteen calorie icecream bars after all...


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