He Was a Prize in a Cracker Jack Box

Submitted by Tara:

Steve was a very attractive guy who I had hung out with a couple of times. He seemed like a nice guy, was a decent kisser, went to my school, and was only a couple of years older than I was. I had just ended it with my previous partner that I had an open relationship with, so I was trying to get my mind off of the break-up.

Steve had mentioned that he had been a drug addict, but had been sober for four years. I thought it was great that he had overcome such an obstacle.

The third time I met up with him, we walked through a park late at night and traded wild stories.  I told him about how a friend and I flashed some guy at Del Taco for free food. Innocent fun, of course.

I asked him for one of his more wild, interesting stories. He told me that a little over four years prior, he had tried to steal his ex-wife's car, failed, and instead hitchhiked to a party where he tried cocaine for the first time.

I laughed it off, but he insisted that it actually happened.

Some people have crazy pasts, and he seemed nice now, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.  I told him about a movie he should see, which I happened to own, and invited him into my apartment to watch the movie (hey, if he tried to rape me, my roommates would hear me, right?).

Things went along fine until the movie ended. He tried feeling up my crotch, and I told him, "No genitalia.  Anything else is fair game for touching."

"Okay," he replied, "Will you jerk me off?"


"Come on."

"That counts as genitalia."

Then, he said, "How about if I spank you as hard as I can?  Either that or you jerk me off.  Your choice."

"How about you leave?"

He stood up, put on his shoes, and left.  The whole thing made me really miss my ex.  It sucked.


  1. "Hey, if he tried to rape me, my roommates would hear me, right?"

    'Atta girl.

  2. "No genitalia. Anything else is fair game for touching."

    What's the point of that? Trying to keep your virginity intact until graduation?

  3. I really have a hard time feeling sorry for the OP she just seems like a bad person to be honest. But hey, you knowingly go out with an ex drug addict you deserve what you get.
    How can you be sad over a break up of an open relationship? also the whiny tone, especially at the end made the story annoy me.

  4. Like a "Prize in a Cracker Jack Box", this story was puny, plastic, and lame.

  5. The movie they watched, Requiem for a Dream.

    @ Error - Loving the pic! Tim Burton meets Patrick Nagel.

  6. ^I thought the same thing. Other films:

    - Trainspotting
    - Kids
    - Candy
    - That scene in Forrest Gump where Jenny does a shit-ton of blow and then almost falls off a balcony.

  7. I once made the mistake of watching Requiem on the same day as Quills. Wanted to die.

  8. Fizziks described that movie to me as the most beautiful film she NEVER wanted to see again. I had to agree after seeing it.

  9. @Ashley "How can you be sad over a break up of an open relationship?" - You are an idiot. It's the same feeling as with any other relationship. Trust me. She is a bit whiny at the end though.

    I do think repeatedly saying the word "genitalia" is going to kill the mood in any room. Or at least turn it into comedy.

    Requiem for a Dream is a wonderful film, but no, I probably couldn't watch it again either.

  10. The Druggie and the Slut, coming soon to a theater near you

  11. Requiem was amazing. Marlon was incredible in it. I didn't know he had it in him. Crazy movie. OP, eh.


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