Her Little Secret

Submitted by Ethan:

I had a profile up on a site that I hadn't checked in a long time. When I was notified that someone had actually found my profile and messaged me, I wasn't too excited.

Then I saw the picture of the girl who had written to me. Deborah. She was stupid cute, with big brown eyes and a petite body. Her profile was well-written, and I was a little impressed with myself for attracting someone like her, assuming that her profile was at all accurate.

We e-mailed each other for a little less than a week before agreeing to set up a date. Her messages were so friendly and kind that I thought I had fallen into some other dimension, a
magical place where women like this existed.

I took especially long to prepare for the date, and I arrived early at the restaurant. In the lounge, my stomach felt heavy as a rock. I honestly, at one point, wondered to myself, "Holy crap. What if this is the girl?"

A six-foot guy walked in and approached me. "Ethan?" He extended his hand.

I shook it and asked, "Do I know you?"

He nodded sheepishly. "I'm Jeff."

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

Jeff went on, "I'm sorry. I thought you were adorable, and I know your profile said you were straight, but..."

Oh no.

I stepped back, feeling dizzy. I said, "Jeff, I have to go." I pushed past him and made for the door.

"Wait," I thought I heard him say, but nothing could stop me.

The first thing I did upon returning home was to delete my profile.

That was five years ago and since then, I've found a great woman. Be careful out there.


  1. Howie Feltersnatch9/03/2010 10:29 AM

    So what?...He wasn't stupid cute enough for you?

    You could have had ' A gaaaaaay ooooold tiiiiime!!"

  2. OMG you thought you found a girl who was "stupid cute" and smart and nice? Like some kind of magical fairy world because women like that totally don't exist? And you ran away from a man because he was gay? Guess what OP, you're a tool.

  3. I'll keep you my dirty little secret, dirty little secret. Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another reject. Just another reject, hope that you can keep it.My dirty little secret, who has to know?

    I couldn't help it.

  4. Agreed. 11:01 - The guy made a profile for a straight woman and corresponded with a straight man and got a date under false pretenses. If it were a guy and a girl and the girl didn't look like her profile picture, we'd all be on here making "fat bitch" jokes and complaining that it's super wrong for people to post fake profiles on dating sites. Get over yourself.

    Personally, I've been waiting for a scenario like this to be posted to the site since I first found it.

    Additionally: NewYorkDevil: I hate you. I now have that song stuck in my head. >:P

  5. 11:01 is retarded. there's no other explanation.

  6. Nikki: Ahaha. I'm sorry. A little. Its just funny. I connect everything to some song. I only do that when I've had a really bad day and can't take it out on anyone.

  7. 11:01, what would you do in that situation? Play gay to save his feelings? He lied and mislead the OP and he was lucky that the OP merely walked off. A lot of people would have had a much worse reaction.

  8. Was I the only one that hoped stupid cute was analogous retard strength?

    On a side note, If someone with retard strength had children with stupid cute person, would you get a child with stupid strength (poor bastard cant even hold a drinking glass with out breaking it) or retard cute?

  9. Jeez, overreact much. I mean honestly what's the big deal... oh right the penis, my bad.

    This obviously goes without saying, but just in case it needs to be, 11:01am's comment is SO overwhelmingly stupid.

    Tell me all that you've thrown away
    Find out games you don't wanna play
    You are the only one that needs to know

    I'll keep you my dirty little secret
    {Dirty little secret}
    Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
    {Just another regret, hope that you can keep it}
    My dirty little secret

    Who has to know.. right Ethan?

  10. Seven-Thirty9/03/2010 2:09 PM

    Using a false identity on the Internet to destroy illusions should be a criminal act.

  11. I don't fault OP for getting out of there. But I'm disappointed he did it so damn fast.

    For one thing, painting yourself as a homophobe doesn't help your image. You couldn't play nice long enough to say, "Thanks but no thanks?"

    But also, I really would have LOVED to read the next few lines of that conversation - had you permitted it to continue. I'm aching to know what that guy was thinking, what he was hoping for, and if he'd ever tried that stunt before and what the outcomes were. All this determines the creep factor - was this a one-time dumb idea? Or is he a total freak? God, I'd really have loved to read a few more lines of this story.

  12. PS: If anyone can tell me how to create a profile without starting my own blog, please clue me in. Can't figure it out :(

  13. Looks like Ethan caught a bad case of teh gays... or not.

  14. Since you were so taken with "Deborah" 's picture you should've asked Jeff whose picture he used and gotten her details, then you'd have a lovely story of how you met.

  15. A gay guy posted a picture and profile of a girl to get dates with straight men? WHY?

  16. Have to agree with Nikki on the double standard here.

    What did "Jeff" think? The OP was going to go gay just for him? I don't think the OP painted himself as a homophobe for running away.

  17. This would be the proper time to say OP has come down with a case of the gays. He's not a homophob for walking away. The entire fault with this date is with Jeff. He flat out lied completely. People get angry when the date doesn't look like their picture by a few years, Jeff wasn't even the right gender.

  18. If Jeff had said, "Hi I'm Deborah..." that may have been a bad date.

    If Ethan had gone through with the date, then ended up screaming "Oh no Oh no Oh no!". That's a bad date with a boner

  19. I think there was something similar to this on one of those daytime shows, was it Ricky Lake (fat bitch!) or Jenny Jones? Except I believe in that case gay guy pretending to be girl got murdered by furious straight guy expecting hanky panky with gorgeous girl. Hey maybe Ethan wrote this from the dreary bleak confines of his cell?

    Oh and yay! Seven Thirty's obligatory "contribution" was only limited to one line this time!

  20. I would have stayed to at least heard the reasoning then told the guy I don't date liars, sorry.

  21. Here the red flag is the cute woman actually messaging a guy first on a dating site.

  22. That's why I stay away from that internet dating BS.

  23. I would of ran out too. Wow that guy must of thought you were cute. To show up to meet someone that u know is not gay .... Wow is crazy ....

  24. Hey! Go easy on the OP. Being hetero doesn't make one homophobic. Neither does not wanting to date a liar.

  25. People are so f*cking PC these days. Jeff wasn't even afraid of getting clocked but good.

    When Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck come to power morality will be restored.

  26. ^^Yes Jeff was extremely lucky to have escaped assault. I can't believe anyone would criticize the OP. He reacted as well to that as anyone could be expected to. This isn't Disney World, kids.

  27. Coriolanus,

    I believe you are talking about the Jenny Jones murderer, Johathan Schmitz. Here is his profile on the michigan department of corrections website!


    I must say, he sure looks the part of a prison thug, and I am sure he has lots of boyfriends now, ironically enough.

  28. Indeed it is 3:58! Thanks for that link, I feel like I now know Seven-Thirty a bit better after finally seeing his picture.

  29. How a relationship begins will tell you how it will end. If you grow a plant in poor soil, you'll reap poor yeild.

    Looking back on every relationship I've had that went sour, I can recall how we first began and I realise our begining was of negative intent. Be it for selfishness, pride, or a lie, anything that begins negative will end negative.

    In dating this is very true. Especially with lies.

    Usually one can spot the lies, but there are sometimes when you may not realise you were lied to. When internet dating, this can occur on many levels. The most common is with their picture.

    Sure, we all want to put our best foot forward. Unfortuantly some people believe their best foot was them dolled up fifteen years ago. Some others may think their best foot is on someone else's leg entirely.

    Most people aren't like this, but more people than you'ld think still lie. They do it by "forgetting" to mention certain facts that have transpired since taking that photo you're looking at.

    They gained weight, shaved their head, grew a beard, got a neck tattoo, has an eyepatch, became a pirate, whatever. The fact of the matter is we're attracted to two differnt aspects of a person, their personality and their looks. By not mentioning any major change they are lying.

    They are lying because they allowed you to believe something they're not (at least, not anymore). By sending you a picture, they are saying "this is me" (most times they actually say this), by doing so any major change from this is a blatant and straight lie.

    Unless it's a man that tells you he's a she. Then it's a blatant and gay lie.

    In any event, it shows you what result you can expect from this relationship, mainly you'll end up with something that you never really wanted.

    How to end it is up to you, but do end it and end it in the begining. That way at least you know what you have for certain. If you don't feel comfortable with telling them why you're not interested in a relationship with them...well, just take a note from them.


  30. ^ <3

    Let's be prison butt buddies together, love.

  31. So you went on a date with Justin Bieber?


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.