Give Her Your Priest's Number

Submitted by Bruce:

It was my second time seeing Mia, a 29-year-old .  I was over at her place, and we were on her couch, watching Finding Nemo.  Early on in the film (which we had both seen before), I snuggled close to her and she seemed receptive to touch.

I kissed her cheek.  She turned to me.  I anticipated our first kiss, but she kissed me on my forehead and turned back to the film.  She also adjusted her position, and in doing so, shifted away slightly.

I waited a little longer, then made another try.  I gently turned her head to face me, and I went in for a kiss.  She gave me her cheek and smiled.

So that was that, as far as I was concerned, at least for that day.  I guessed that she thought that it was too fast.

After the film, though, she invited me to her room.  That made me think that she had reconsidered, and I followed her.

We wound up on her bed, with me spooning her.  I lightly tried turning her to face me, but she stayed in her facing-away-from-me position.

I asked, "Am I going too fast for you?"

She said, "A little," followed by, "I don't like fooling around so much."

Hmmmm.  "Like, ever?" I asked.

"Pretty much."

I thought for a moment, then replied, "Then maybe we should just be friends."

"Oh..." she said, sounding disappointed.  Then, "I thought you were different.  Every guy I've been with wants to get into my pants as soon as possible.  What's wrong with taking things slow?"

"Nothing," I told her, "But there's a difference between taking it slow and not fooling around ever."

She said, "I just don't think it's necessary for a healthy relationship."

I moved away from her and sat up.  "That's fine.  I think that it is necessary, but we can stay friends."

She shot up and wrapped her arms around me, giving me a tight squeeze.  I hugged her back.

"I want you to be my boyfriend," she said, "I think we're a great match on everything else.  You'll just get used to it."

"To not having sex?"

She nodded.

"Yeah.  No."

"Can we just try it?"

"It's not going to work.  I'm not celibate.  I'm sorry."

It was back and forth like that for a while as I eased my way off of her bed, out of her room, and (finally) out of her house, with the promise (that I meant) that we'd stay friends.

In the following couple of weeks, she called, e-mailed, and texted me non-stop, as if everything was hunky-dory and we were an item.  Texts like, "Look at this funny article, sweetie," or "Hey hun.  I just wanted to tell u that I like u a lot" appeared constantly in my phone.

I called her after a little while to tell her that I was seeing someone else and that her messages weren't really appropriate.  I wasn't really seeing someone else, but it had to be done.

She sounded very hurt and jumped off the phone quickly.  From that day to this, I haven't heard from her.


  1. Tell her that you don't like people who breathe. She'll just get used to it.

  2. Maybe she had a penis that she was afraid to show you.

  3. Was she Puerto Rican?

    A female, usually a Puerto Rican crack whore, who has gone through so many men that her vagina has dried up like it were made of sandpaper.

    If that was the case, then can you really blame her?

    Sounds to me like the OP dodged a sandpaper bullet there...

  4. You were both probably misinterpreting. You wanted fast, she wanted slow, she heard you want sex right now, you heard she never wanted anything even kissing ever.

  5. I have to say kudos for being honest, OP. Some guys would just continue to date her and get a booty call on the side.

  6. Agree with Baku on this one. Being honest up front about this--from both sides--kept this relationship from being strung along for an unnecessary amount of time. Too bad she couldn't understand the "just friends" angle though. :(

  7. See, this is the problem with dating 11 year olds. Sure they're pretty hot and their favorite movie is Finding Nemo, but they never want to go past first base! I bet that was awkward leaving her Barbie filled room and slinking past her glaring parents.

  8. ^ You nailed it. Nothing left to say.

  9. ^^ LMAO Here I thought all the tween girls were creaming themselves over Twilight!

  10. LMAO @ The Architect


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