We Meant No Offense

Submitted by Ron:

My second date with Joyce is one that I won't forget too easily.  There's a beautiful cafe by a river in a town convenient to both of our houses, and she was all over the idea of going there on a cool summer evening.

Dinner went well, and we really had great chemistry.  Afterward, we took a walk around town, and found ourselves on the campus of a local college.

There were plenty of low walls, balustrades, pillars, steps, and gates, and we had the typical kind of running, laughing, and gallivanting about that you'd expect.

We made it to a low, iron fence that had, every few yards, a pillar with a lantern and a sculpted bust.

"A lot of heads," Joyce remarked, then ran to the other side of the fence and stuck her head through the bars.  She made a serious face like the heads on the pillars  I laughed.  She smiled and attempted to extricate herself from the fence.

Her smile became a frown, and then an expression of panic.

"Okay," she said, "Um... help."

I thought she was still kidding around, so I acted as if to put my foot up to her head and push her out that way.

"No!" she shrieked, "I'm seriously stuck!"

I said, "You got yourself in there... your head can't be any bigger, now.  Try turning it."

She tried and failed.  Oh, how she failed.  I ran to her side of the fence and try as we might, we just couldn't free her from the bars.

I suggested that I run and grab some vaseline from a nearby drug store.  The idea of it grossed her out, but we were out of ideas.

Before I left, I told her, "Keep trying, but don't force it."

I made it back in about twenty minutes.  Luckily, she was able to lower herself into kneeling position so that she didn't have to stand.  However, she was still held fast.

I rubbed vaseline all over her face and head.  She shuddered, and we worked her head gingerly back and forth.  As I said, we were out of other ideas, save for calling the fire department.

That's funny.  That sound of fire truck sirens.

She turned her head, and it popped out.  She fell backward.

Moments later, two fire trucks arrived, down at the road.  Three firefighters jogged up to us.  Someone must have seen that Joyce had caught herself and had called the fire department.

However, the vaseline had done the trick.  I explained the situation to the firefighters, and they asked Joyce if she was okay, if she had any pain, etc.  They were really very nice, and Joyce told them that she felt fine, although she desperately wanted a shower.

As an epilogue, Joyce and I are still dating.  She doesn't go sticking her head into fences anymore, though.  And if she knew that I had sent this in, she'd probably shove my head into a fence.