Gone, Baby, Gone

Submitted by Alisa:

Larry and I met at a farmers' market for our first date, and after exchanging pleasantries, I suggested that we explore it.

"I have a better idea," he said, and we walked to a dog park.  He entered and started chasing the dogs all around.  Most of the dogs seemed to enjoy it, but a lot of the owners weren't too into some random guy chasing their pets.

I picked up on this first, and Larry got the hint soon afterward.  We walked away (he stank as if he had walked into some serious dog piles) and I asked him what he wanted to do next.

"What I want to do," he said, "Is to bring you someplace secluded.  Not for anything bad, though."

I laughed this off, although the warning bells had been going off for some time.

I suggested, "Let's go back to the farmers' market."

He said, "I'd rather leave town forever.  It sucks here.  I'm always getting yelled at or chased or whatever.  I'm thinking about leaving with just the clothes on my back and a smile."

I nodded, trying my best to understand what he was talking about.  Then, he added, "If I did that, would you come with me?"

I laughed and told him that he could go if he wanted to.  I figured that he was bored of the date and wanted an out.

He said, "I'm 100% serious.  I'm leaving town forever.  I want you to come with me.  You're the last thing I've been waiting for."

I said, "Let's just check out the farmers' market."

He didn't say anything to that, but followed me there.

At some point while we were browsing, he slipped away.  I later found out that he actually did leave town.  He's living in Arizona, now.


  1. Well, he likes chasing dogs, and he had the hots for you - maybe you're giving off bitch vibes you're not aware of?

  2. Awww, I thought you were going to find out he was a criminal on the run or something!

  3. OP, you were the worst part of this date.

  4. Really wasn't a bad date... After he said,"I'm 100% serious. I'm leaving town forever. I want you to come with me. You're the last thing I've been waiting for." You should have started to take him serious instead of just flat out changing the subject.

  5. It's obvious that Larry has Aspergers.

  6. clearly Larry just wanted to leave because the OP turned out to be fat.

  7. So, I had a coworker that everyone hated. Jude. God-awful Jude. He crashed a party, and I took one for the team and got him outside in the parking lot for a "heart to heart". What do you really want from this life, I asked? He said every day, he wanted to just leave (Virginia) and head out to California. Do it; get in your car and head there TONIGHT!, I said. He did.

    4 months later, a coworker spotted him in the making of "The Real Slim Shady" video. At one point you see him corner Emminem. "Yo, you're a lyricist, yo!" he shouts. Emminen looks into the camera and says, "This is what hell looks like".

  8. ^ Reminds me of that time that drunk guy, Jake (Ja-KUH!), approached Dane Cook at a show. Dane was all like, "You have proved that AA is a good thing! You have inspired many!" or something to that effect, then went with him back to his seat.

  9. Report him to the FBI, I am sure he is on one of their wanted lists.

  10. "Oh, hey Larry! Haven't seen you around in a while!" "Yeah, not since you wrote 'Get out of town freak!' in flaming letters on my lawn." "So....What part of 'Get out of town freak' did you not understand?" (Credit to Red Meat's Max Canon)

    I love how the OP was like a Chat Bot. When the guy said something that she didn't have a response for, she just reverted back to "Let's check out the farmer's market."

  11. When weirdo date says he wants to bring you someplace secluded (while smelling of dog crap), but not to do "anything bad," it's time to leave...

    Still, this was funny!

  12. "He's looking for that home, and I hope he finds it".

  13. I think OP twisted a few things around, he probably didn't ask her or asked her sarcasticly.. He probably planned to go, he most likely 'slipped away' because she was boring him or he wasen't feeling a connection and eventually moved to alaska..

    (She was feeling him, he wasen't feeling her hence the reason he up and left and she did enough research on the dude to find out his wheabouts.)


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