The Frame Lady

Submitted by Brendan:

On my third date with Gwen, we finished our dinner and decided to take a walk outside in a nearby plaza.  It was a warm evening and there were plenty of produce stalls and craftspeople milling about.  Gwen had informed me that we couldn't spend too much time there, as she had to pick up a friend from the nearby airport in a little bit.

There was one booth in particular from which an older woman sold handmade picture frames and pens.  She had a scar on the left side of her face from her ear to her neck.

Gwen said, "Oh my God," and pointed, right in front of the woman.  Gwen continued, "What happened?"

The woman seemed taken aback, but she began telling a story about how she was born in Arkansas, fled an abusive home, went into college early, dropped out, re-enrolled, dropped out again, re-enrolled again, dropped out once more, saved some cats, worked at a flower shop...

I wasn't too interested, but I waited politely for a little bit.  That little bit turned into twenty minutes.  Then thirty.  Gwen was spellbound the entire time.  I didn't have a problem meeting new people, but we were on a date together.

Then the woman asked Gwen if she wanted to sit down.  Gwen did.  The woman went on, and I waited a little bit before telling Gwen that I was going to walk around a bit more.

Gwen said, "Yeah, yeah.  Whatever," and remained in rapt attention with the woman and her story.

After strolling around the area for a half-hour, I realized that it was about the time that Gwen had told me that she would have needed to end the date by in order to pick up her friend.

I returned to the pencil and frame stall, and Gwen was there, massaging the woman's scalp, as the woman's eyes fluttered in pleasure.  I reminded Gwen about her friend at the airport.  Gwen asked me if I would pick up her friend, as Gwen herself was too busy.  I refused.

Gwen said goodbye to the woman, called me selfish, ended the date, and I haven't heard from her from that day to this.


  1. You were being selfish. There's nothing wrong with thinking your time is more important than every abused person that has a more horrific story than you.

  2. Seven-thirty7/18/2010 5:54 PM

    Assuming that the friend was another woman, who was neither too old or ugly, the OP could have unselfishly picked her up and taken her back to his place and made her eyes flutter with pleasure while planting some seeds in her womb.

  3. I'm starting to really like Seven-thirty...

  4. Eh, I wouldn't call him selfish. She basically wasted his time on this date, and then to ask him to pick up a total stranger, who SHE made a commitment to, so she could massage someone's scalp? I wouldn't have done it either.

  5. brendan, i'm with you on this..as a matter of fact, i see her as the selfish one. maybe she's into women anyway..wanting to massage another woman's scalp, having to pick up a female friend from the airport..i mean, i'm a woman too, but, dang! there's a limit! i say you're better off..just sorry it took 3 dates for you to see the real "her" come out.
    oh, and seven-thirty..that's some funny stuff! :-)

  6. ^Oh, yeah, everytime a woman picks up a female friend at the airport, I think "Lesbo!!"

    The neck scar is from an ex-husband with a fetish for snail mating habits who opened a new vag on her neck.

  7. Brendan, you are such a selfish jerk! Who wouldn't want to listen to some old cat lady who used to be an abused college college drop-out talk about her life as a pencil and picture frame maker. Plus your girl got to pick and eat all of the lice out of her hair while she "massaged" her scalp.

    Seriously though, I know the idea to pick up her friend sounded nuts but you should have gone for it. I have to agree with 7:30 on this one.

  8. Wow. You lost to an old cat lady with a scar? Have you considered changing your cologne? Or bathing?

  9. Everything about this story says she couldn't WAIT to break it off with you...
    I'll have to admit, I cracked up laughing when I read that she pointed at the woman and said "OMG!" I commend you for being mortified, cause I would have laughed my ass off.

  10. @Fizziks: Snail mating! I get it! I love it!

    Brendan, I'm curious how the first two dates went. She sounds like someone who is easily distracted into intense blocks of time, then lather, rinse, repeat.

    So be honest though, crazy scar lady...you say she's an "older woman" not an "old woman". So...obviously her prospects aren't too good outside of bikers, hipsters, and fetishists, but she's not ancient. I want to know: Would give it to her? Would you make those old knees move like the Nicholas Brothers could? Pencil and frame? Sounds bawdy!

  11. @Fizziks: 12:44 reminds me of a mild "Banana Waffle".

    @Seven-Thirty: Spot on!

    @The Architect: I agree, curiosity and why not would have made me pick up the friend. I think every group has that one friend who's just....wacky. You could have related to her other friend about it. Plus, it's foreshadowing. What if she was visiting Gwen and realized they wouldn't be able to tour the town without re-moisting every scab on every transient with the tears of little albino thalidomide babies?

  12. ^Ahahaha that last comment made this thread worthwhile for me.

    Consider it officially put into the text books: if a female date asks you to pick up her friend at the airport, go for it, on the off chance that the friend is hot enough to tap in the short-term parking garage.


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