Space Man

Submitted by Glenda:

Drake was a bit late to our date.  When I saw a guy in a woman's zebra-print blouse enter the restaurant, I repeated over and over to myself, "I hope that isn't him, I hope that isn't him, I hope that isn't–"

"Hi Glenda!" he said, "I'm Drake."

I complimented his blouse.  He didn't reply and sat himself down.  He told me that he was working on a play, an adaptation of a Charles Dickens novel, but set in the year 2100 and on a space station.  He asked me if I liked science fiction.  I told him that I wasn't a big fan.

He must have heard, "I love science fiction and everything to do with it," because he spent the next 15 minutes discussing the sorts of spaceships he was planning to include, the sorts of aliens he had written in ("Pointy-eared like Spock, only all blue!" was one gem), and the sorts of bowls they'd eat out of.  Seriously.

"Bowls all the time today are round," he explained, "But imagine in the future if they were square, or pentagon, or another cornered shape!"

I was ready to write him off until he asked, "So, how are you?"

I gave him a brief recap of my day (I'm a nurse) and told him a bit more about myself.  I asked him how long he had been writing, who his favorite authors were, etc.  The conversation seemed to be going well.

When dinner was served, though, he went right back on into outer space.  He discussed interplanetary treaties, light speed, and even did some hand gesture over and over again to show me how people in the future would greet each other, since so many alien species would necessitate the founding of a common language.

"I'm making a new language," he said, "It's one of the hardest things I've ever done.  It's mostly done with hand gestures, since most aliens have hands.  Ever notice that?"

It would have been an average dinner with a geek, except afterward, he asked if we could stop in a Dress Barn.  There was a sale on, apparently.

"Women's clothes are just more comfortable," he told me, "And don't get me started on skirts."

I asked him if people in the future, men and women both, wore skirts.  He stared at me and told me that it was a great idea and that he'd use it in his story.  "Greater mobility during gun battles... yeah!"

He ended up buying a skirt on clearance, and I had a sudden... thing to do.  Not involving spaceships.  Or blue aliens.  Or Drake.


  1. Lame. Yeah, the women's clothes thing is weird, but he sounds like a harmless geek that you had (by your own admission) a nice conversation with.

    Sounds like you could have had a nice new weird geek friend, if you weren't such an insufferable snob.

  2. I have a higher tolerance for geeks/nerds/dorks than most people, as I've been surrounded by them my whole life. But for someone who might not have had as much exposure to an uber-nerd, they can be hard to take. In situations like this, the best course of action is to steer the conversation back to more similar topics of interest as often as possible. Talk more about plays again. Ask if there are any genres other than sci-fi that he's into and then debate the merits of those genres. Or, geek out on your own topic.

    I feel bad that he had to shop at Dress Barn. It's my understanding that only large, poor women shop there. If he's gonna cross-dress, at least have the self-respect to go to Lane Bryant or something!

  3. 9:01 must have the entire Star Trek Box set.

    I wonder how you met in the first place not knowing about his background because I'm sure it would have come out in some form. You would have been able to tell before this CLOSE ENCOUNTER that you were NOT compatible. Nanu Nanu.

  4. I'd totally date that guy. In fact, I think I did... or someone very like him.

  5. Looks like you really dodged some phaser fire this time!

  6. I understand the geek part, but I'd have been taken aback when it came to the cross-dressing. I've had several drag friends, but I wouldn't want to date them.

  7. Ok...aliens are one thing, but women's clothing. He lost me at the Zebra Blouse.

  8. I'm not sure it was really drag. More costumey, something that may develop into drag later? He was working on a play. Like haven't you seen footage of Bowie or Zeppelin in the 70's rockin' out in ladies blouses? And pants. And shoes. With big hair and makeup. DAMMIT! Alright, he's at least a drag princess.

  9. This is 9:01 again. I'll have you know that the only Star Trek DVDs I own are Star Trek II, Star Trek VI, and the J.J. Abrams Star Trek.

    That said, I DO own every single episode of Doctor Who. :)

    Also, Nanu Nanu? Really dude? Do you know any hard core Mork and Mindy geeks? Besides yourself? And me?

    Anyhow. I agree with you about the implausibility of her not knowing what this guy was going to be like, unless it was a dating service, which she didn't mention.

  10. THIS WAS FREAKING HILARIOUS!!! Too bad anonymous up there (1st Comment) probably can't comprehend anything.

  11. Glenda, let me guess. You were set up with Drake by friends, who told you he was an aspiring writer. Just a little quirky. You know. Just a little.

    Was his strategy - "I'm going to do everything possible to be unappealing to a member of the opposite sex I've never met before - that way, if she's accepting, I'll know she gets the real me?"

  12. i want to know if this was written by Glen, or Glenda. Or maybe Drake was Glen, or Glenda. Or Ed Wood. I am confused now.

  13. That man is not a geek or a nerd, that my friends is a dork. I would know, it takes one to know one.

  14. Sounded like an interesting guy apart from the cross dressing, oh and his rip off of avatar aliens, use your own imagination geeky dude

  15. Wait, wait. So being socially inept and rude, completely dominating the conversation with a topic that your date clearly isn't into... That's fine. But a boy in a skirt?! That's just wrong!

    Way to be, guys.

  16. 10:38 - You're really shocked that the nerds/dorks/geeks on this site would come to the defense of one of their own but take every opportunity to call him a queer?

    Are you new?

  17. Skirt men are the best. Especially the ones with space standards.

  18. I don't see what's so bad about the whole wearing a skirt thing. Men wore skirts for centuries - it was only in the last few hundred years that stopped. Plus skirts are FAR kinder on the male anatomy (just think about it for a minute).

    But yeah, dominating the conversation like that is so not nice.

    1. Yeah. I wear skirts and kilts whenever I can get away with it. I usually get very positive responses from women for it.


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