But Would You Do it for a Scooby Snack?

Submitted by Cody:

Jocelyn and I were seated next to each other at dinner in a rounded booth.  I felt that things were going very well, and she was playing along with everything that I threw at her, conversation-wise.

At one point, I touched her shoulder casually, in an effort to appear friendly and flirtatious at once.  She looked down at my hand, made a frog-like frown, and edged away.  It was easy to see that she didn't like it, so I didn't do it again and forgot all about it.

After dinner, I hadn't made any plans, but depending on the weather, I knew of a nice stroll by a lake, a cafe, or possibly even billiards.  I was pretty easy going, and though it was the suburbs, there were a lot of things to do.

Jocelyn scuttled all of those plans.  "I... uh... I have something to do.  That I forgot about."

She hadn't mentioned having plans after dinner before, and I guessed that she was trying to end the date.  I didn't want to put pressure on her, but I didn't want to give up so easily, so I asked her if I had done anything to make her uncomfortable.

She answered, "Well, maybe if you kept your hands to yourself, Mr. Touchy-Feely."

I had a feeling.  I explained that I meant it as a casual touch, and that I was sorry if it had made her uncomfortable.

"Uncomfortable?" she spat, "You don't touch a girl on a first date!  Are you psychotic?"

In my mind, she was a bit out of line.  Still, I didn't want to respond to her rapidly rising temper with a similar attitude.  I simply said, "Okay, Jocelyn.  I'm sorry."

"So you understand why I have to go?"

I really struggled with this one.  "I–I guess.  I mean, if you feel that you have to."

She moaned and raised her voice.  "Not good enough!  You have to learn this.  It's guys like you who fuck it up for the rest of them!"

Okay, too much.  Mental check: was I out of line here?  I stepped away, thanked her, wished her a safe ride home, and turned away.

"Where do you think you're going?" she yelled after me, "Hey!  Hey!"

She wrote me two text messages that night.  Verbatim, they read:

1. I don't know who you think you are, but you're going to wind up miserable and alone.  Get a life, asshole.

2. Did you know that guys who touch girls frequently are more likely to end up raping them?  I have every reason to be on guard.  You have to be more sensitive and respectful.

I wrote back, "I wouldn't rape you for ten million dollars."

She didn't reply.


  1. I think she's just a wee bit overly sensitive about the touch...and way too psychotic about the whole raping thing...

  2. Good show, but I wish you had stood up for yourself a bit more before the texting began. Still, psychosis has a way of disorienting folks.

    What a crazy broad.

  3. Yeah, maybe she has rape issues from the past, or knows someone who was raped. But how would you know that? You weren't out of line, guy (unless you WERE planning on raping her, of course).

  4. wow what a one crazy women well she might have bad experience in the past she did tell you that up front

  5. She's the one who is going to end up miserable and alone. What a nutso drama queen.

  6. Hmm, as a female, I feel a date (first ones included) has gone badly if there was NO physical contact at all. I can understand the preference not to kiss on a first date, but to be out with someone who avoids ANY contact at all would be a rather off-putting experience for me.

  7. I would've raped her for $10..and you for $100.

  8. Mike and Andy, STFU. That's not funny. I'm willing to bet that she had a run in with one of you future penitentiary residents and is having issues with it. Congratulations on fucking up another young girl set loose in the world.

    On another note, I thought text #1 sounded exactly like ABCOTD comments every other string. OP handled himself like a perfect non-rapist gentleman. Well done sir.

  9. When I was scrolling through, reading the comments, I thought to myself "Damn, he should have raped her." Then Andy shows up and makes my dreams come true. Mike steps in afterward and puts icing on the cake. I love you both, and I want you to run a train on me and throw me in a ditch. <3

  10. 11:59 seconded. Mike and Andy rock.

  11. lol 11:59, Maybe let the homies up the hill run a train on you after Mike and Andy are finished

  12. Girls, look to the left of you. Now to the right.
    Statistically, both of those men are going to rape you.

  13. The correct reply for guys that run into psycho hosebeasts like this is as follows:

    "I wouldn't rape you with a stolen dick for practice."

  14. 11:59 had me laughing for about two minutes :)
    For that - thank you. Good night to you all and to all a good night.

  15. Honestly, she sounds like someone who HASN'T had a bad experience in the past but is extremely sheltered or on "a kick". It reminds me of some friends who in college joined up with various activist organizations and would spout off statistics all the time and shout things like a mantra.

    I kid waved happily at me on the street and I waved back.
    "PEDOPHILES like to wave at kids! You should be careful!"

    I was drinking milk.
    "Milk is SO BAD FOR YOU! WHY WOULD DO THAT TO YOURSELF AND THE COWS!?" <---this person was a heroin addict.

    I have porn.
    "YOU HAVE PORN?! It's things like that that make you want to attack women!"

  16. Mind you I'm not saying it's bad to be an activist. Most activists are fine. It's these cult-like catchphrase shouters I don't like.


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