Beach Buddies

Submitted by L.:

Chris and I met online.  We e-mailed and texted back and forth for a couple of weeks before deciding to meet up.

We met at the harbor and went to go find something to eat. We had a pleasant conversation.  I ended up having to cut it short because my son's babysitter called and had to leave. He walked me to my car and then I gave him a ride to his. No kiss goodnight, but a nice hug.

I told him a few days later that I would be interested in dating him. He said no, not because he didn't like me, but because he didn't want to jump into a relationship. He wanted a three-month waiting period.

I told him that I respected that, but that a three-month waiting period wouldn't work for me, and thanks anyway. He appreciated my honesty and wished me luck in the dating world. We agreed to stay friends.

Later that week, I went on another date with a guy, Ben, and we totally clicked.  The entire night was perfect except for the fact that it had to end.

Ben told me that he wanted to date me exclusively, get to know each other, be boyfriend and girlfriend. I was thrilled. We changed our statuses on Facebook and everything was just peachy.

The next evening I received a text message from Chris: "Saw your status.  So I guess that's it then."

I reminded him that he had clearly expressed his desire to be friends first and not date anyone, that I had told him that his plan wasn't what I was looking for, and that he had rejected me, albeit very kindly.

What followed were two hours and dozens of text messages (literally) from him about how I had led him on, how he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend the following week, how he would have enjoyed being naked and talking with me, etc.

Nothing I said, not even copying and pasting his own e-mails, helped. I dropped the subject and apologized. Even after this, he wanted to stay friends.

A few days later, during casual chat, I mentioned something about wanting to go to the beach at some point during the summer. His response was, "Well, if you had done things differently, it would have been me and you and our kids going to the beach, but now it's going to be just me and my babies."

I blocked him and cut off all contact after that.


  1. You became official with a guy after one date and changed your Facebook status? He seems crazy, but you do, too.

  2. Hi Jared, I don't know how you found me but thanks for leaving a comment on my blog. I enjoy your site so I was more than happy to give you a shout out!

  3. I just noticed that I'm listed among your friends, thank you! Much appreciated!

  4. Man that post sucked!

  5. I wonder why the Anonymous amongst us are all spewing hate on the OP? Seems to me she was honest and upfront about what she wanted, except that this Chris bloke couldn't handle it when he got replaced in less than a week and resorted to passive-aggressive bullshitting.

  6. Not that crazy. Just a guy unsure of what he wants and hoping he can have things both ways - stay friends and flirt while having the option for something else should it come up. Thanks for sharing.

  7. Seven-thirty6/13/2010 5:50 PM

    How fast should things develop? The topic keeps popping up. A while back there was a post was about a guy who didn't call a woman who was keen because and lived by a rule about delaying any expression of interest because he did not want to seem desperate.

    And then there was the Harvey's nookie story in which the move towards a voyeur threesome almost worked. If only the woman had waited a minute before straddling the guy. If he had been naked and there had been something to hold her up, she would not have fallen to the ground.

    A sense of timing, it seems, is essential.

  8. 10:08 is probably the dude that the story is about lolol

    and OP, I give you props for wanting to be with someone managomously after one date. Sometimes you just have that chemistry. Nothing wrong with changing FB to "on a relationship". You're not crazy.

  9. I'm not sure I'd be ready to shout commitment to my little world after one good date, but to each his/her own. Good for you for finding someone apparently very compatible and holding out for what you wanted.

    Seriously, though... "he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend the following week"-- what is he, 12?? I love my boyfriend dearly, but if he ever said that, I'd have laughed uncontrollably.

  10. Why do people insist on typing "lolololol"? Is it that you think you're making it seem as though you're laughing more? Are you trying to reiterate that you're laughing "out loud, out loud, out loud, out loud..."? Are you just plain stupid?
    Geez, that's even more annoying than when someone says "ATM Machine." Dolts.

  11. I think that people are ripping on the OP not just because she decided to start being exclusive with someone after one date, but that she was also ready to be exclusive with the original guy less than a week earlier. Frankly I don't know how that DOESN'T come off desperate... Now three months is a bit much, but it becoming exclusive with another guy with in a week makes it seem like the OP just wanted to date anybody. Anyone I've known like this has had a lot of shitty relationships, and it's been their own damn fault. Everyone in this story sucks.

  12. OP I understand being a single mom can make the rush to commitment pressing and important to you, but pacing and getting to know someone is important too.

    You messaged Chris back and forth for a couple weeks and after one date you wanted some kind of commitment whereas he probably was trying to figure out how he felt about you now that you met in real life. I think you should have waited and seen things through, but I applaud you for standing your misguided ground.

    As for meeting another guy a week later, one date, then being asked to "go steady", that's pretty rushed. I can understand Chris being upset because he probably didn't expect you to jump so quickly to another. Perhaps he felt that you two had a connection and the such a quick departure meant that you were fleeting, desperate, and insincere. Or at least, out of touch with what you really want. Which, seems to be whomever will commit. He shouldn't have had a tantrum, but I think I understand where he came from.

    P.s.- He probably said three months because that's about how long it can take to get out of the courtship period and into the real personality period. You both have children to worry about and don't want to disrupt their lives with a revolving door of men/women. I think he was being prudent.

  13. OP seems desperete LOL.. She was looking for a serious relationship ASAP.. changing your status that quickly? You seem desperete and foolish and i bet your kids are going to grow up confused by all the guys that come and go because you scare them away.. (Unless they are as desperete as you.)

    (And this has nothing to do with that 3-month dude.. He was full of s***, but then again you told him a few days later that you wanted to date him, as in be with him, change your status on fb. He probably got creeped out.)


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