Submitted by Molly:
Simon and I met at a party. We had a lot to talk about and I had a good vibe from him. He asked for my number and I gave it to him. So far, so good, right?
I didn't hear from him, and although I was a little disappointed, it wasn't a big deal.
Three weeks later, he called to ask me out. I told him, over the phone, that I was wondering if I'd ever hear from him. He told me that he had a "three-week" rule when it came to asking people out.
"That way," he said, "They won't think that I'm too desperate."
If I were him, I'd be more concerned about coming across as "too disinterested," and I told him so.
He responded that he had been told by more than one woman that calling anytime within two weeks of first meeting would come across as too desperate, and that he wasn't falling for my "ploy."
Thing was, this was three weeks later, and since I had decided after a few days that he probably wasn't going to call, I had begun seeing someone else. That got him really mad and he muttered something about being tired of being "manipulated," and that he was ready to stop dating altogether. I wished him luck and we hung up.
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Weird. Thoughts on the two-day/three-week rule?
I have been given some very good advice about this subject and I want to pass it along here.
ReplyDeleteHere's something very important to remember: men and women are different from each other. One way in which they differ is in the way they feel. Women tend to cycle through feelings more rapidly and more intensely than men. That means that if she feels great about you right now, there is no guarantee that she will feel that way tomorrow, or the day after.
Since both men and women tend to make decisions based on feelings and then justify them later rationally, capitalize on that good feeling IMMEDIATELY. Don't wait too long to ask her out after you first meet her - do it the next day, or at the very latest the day after that.
More than one woman has told me that she will not call a man back if he takes more than a day to call her for the first time, because this means that he's not really that interested. Never take more than three days if you're interested.
I always ask if someone is a talker or a texter when I get their number. I either call/text within 2 days with either one text or one voicemail only.
ReplyDeleteMost of the time girls will try to play coy and refuse to respond to the first voicemail/text sent. If you refuse to play that BS game, 80% of the time they'll text you a week later asking why you're not stalking them. From then on it's easy. Don't play silly phone mind games.
If you meet someone who has a "two-week rule", go out with someone else.
ReplyDeleteI've been called a "stalker" after calling the next day and a "game-player" after waiting two. If I'm excited about someone, I prefer to let them know sooner, as opposed to waiting. If that's a turn-off to them, then I likely wouldn't have been happy with them in the first place.
ReplyDeleteI called my boyfriend the day after we met to see if he'd like to meet up the next day. Seeing as how we've been together for quite some time, I guess you could say that my "ploy" worked out rather well.
ReplyDeleteI've never bought into the whole "wait x amount of days before calling" rule. If you like someone, give them a call. If s/he calls you a stalker, apologize for being interested and inform them that it won't happen again.
Why anyone of any sex, age, or sexual orientation would "play hard to get" if they're actually INTERESTED has always mystified me. Makes no sense whatsoever. It's reasonable to take it slowly and not rush into intimacy or commitment when you're not ready -- but pretending to be uninterested? The obvious assumption is that a person who does this IS uninterested, and not worth bothering with.
ReplyDeletePeople who play hard to get shouldn't get got. And usually don't.
So... no bad date? In fact, no date at all? Why write in about it?
ReplyDeleteAfter a few days of someone you're supposedly into hasn't called you, you immediately just jump on the next person that asks you out? Sounds pretty desperate to me.
Seems to be a lot of agreement here. 12:11 gives a good explanation. Human brains are cool. Microsoft keeps coming up with new versions of Windows. Where is evolution headed when it comes to dating instinct?
ReplyDeleteAgreed then that playing hard to get beyond a day only leads to a decline in interest. How about after a one night stand hook up? How long can a guy wait before making contact again? One woman once told me that she would have sex on the first date but if she broke her rule and did have sex, then she would never see the guy again.
I guess people make all sorts of rules.
I'm female, and my friends and I agree on this. No matter how you met, a single, brief message a day or two apart is the best. Most likely you are still fresh in each other's mind and it doesn't come off like you are disinterested, a stalker, or an over-eager dating newbie. If you don't hear back after that, then let it go.
ReplyDeleteUgh, I'm so glad I'm married. The complicated bullshit that dating people engage in sounds exhausting to me. I've always has a simple rule when it comes to relationships: Say what's on your damn mind! Don't wait around, hoping that your partner will pick up on the psychic pheromones that you're trying to emit. Open your mouth, use your words and actually TELL them. You'd be surprised how often that gets you what you want.
ReplyDeleteThis is how I've handled dating, at least when I've managed to get successful relationships out of it. I have no patience for mind games, and I'm not attracted to women who play them.
Delete^ So I'm assuming you didn't date, and had a pre-arranged marriage? You know, because all the complicated bullshit all us singles come up with is just too exhausting for you.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I'm so glad I'm not married. If I were, I may end up sounding like a stuck up bitch like the commenter above me. Thanks for the advice, Mrs Married. Let us know how your divorce ends up.
^Mmm hmm. Bitter much?
ReplyDeleteIf I was interested in someone I was always up front about it. Worked out well for me. Prescribing some predetermined, arbitrary length of time after which it is appropriate to contact the person of interest is ridiculous. "How do I know if (s)he's interested?" Ask them. "How do I let him/her know I'm interested?" Tell them. It's really more simple than most people make it.
I always thought it was a 3 day rule. Weird.
ReplyDeleteI sort of agree with 10:38. I hate it when married people try to act superior to single people as if we're jealous. While one day I'd like to get married, I just hope to not end up feeling like I'm above all the "dating people" like 10:05. She (at least, tone comes across as female or gay male) does sound as though she is superior because she roped someone into marrying her. And yes, do keep us updated on your future divorce.
ReplyDeleteI ask for sex within the first 30 minutes. Cuts the bullshit and with a 10% hit ratio, I'm getting laid within 5 hours of hitting the ground.
ReplyDeleteI just don't date, and stick to bar skanks. Most of the time you don't even have to buy them a drink; they're just eager to get laid.
ReplyDelete^^ I would hate to see what you wake up with 12:57. Any good looking bar skank requires anywhere between 2-14 drinks bought for them. After the 8th one, they will drink any cheap shit. And after 16-18 drinks you dont even have to take them home, the parking lot or the mens room is fine.
ReplyDelete^ I'm sort of a looker, 6:16, so the pretty bar skanks tend to fawn over me anyway. I don't like them to be very drunk when I take them home. Their self esteem is low enough to do most of the things I want anyway. For the rest, it just takes a little convincing, and that's part of foreplay for me.
ReplyDeletefor you two with the bar skanks... its "a bad case of the dates" not "a bad case of the herpes"
ReplyDelete^ This one must NOT be so much of a looker... "You're gonna get herpes!" = "I'm not getting any!"
ReplyDeleteNot necessarily, 2:32. Everyone knows that skanks = herpes or something you can clear up with antibiotics.
ReplyDeleteNow, if they had been talking about *sluts*, well, that's a different story.
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ReplyDelete@ Nikki - And who doesn't like a good slut from time to time? :P
ReplyDeleteSrsly people, it isn't the amount of time you wait to contact a person, it's how many times and what you say. If you blow up their inbox then you are a stalker and if you sound desperate, then you are. One cool headed message after the meeting is all that is required.
Nikki, this is 4:37. I just want to get this straight. If i talk about skanks then i am not necessarily not getting any, but if i refer to women as sluts that means i am surely not getting any and am not a looker? actually when i reason out that logic it makes sense. good, Nikki thinks i'm hot! score me!
ReplyDeleteHooray 12:11! That was good stuff. If I don't hear from someone in 1-2 days, I assume he doesn't like me.
ReplyDeleteI am happily divorced (split at 30) and the butt-munchers I've dated since then made my cheating, lying, unemployed ex seem like a prince. So, if you ask me, both marriage and dating pretty much suck ass. At least my ex was great in the sack.
Hrm, 4:37-who-isn't-Error, I think the only point that I was trying to make was that "skanks" have STDs while "sluts" (from my experiences with them) are safer when it comes to wrapping it up. (Both groups have the same amount of sex, but skanks are skanks b/c their vjs are "skanky.")
ReplyDeleteAlthough thinking about it, "skank" is really the more derogatory term of the two, as it implies not only someone with loose sexual morals but also with diseases. Tapping into my Catholic school girl background, you'd call another girl a "skank" if she was good-looking and easy, but you were neither, and you'd call a girl a slut if she was good-looking and easy, and you were at least good-looking but were more selective of who you fucked in their back seat.
So which category do you fall under?
This is total BS!!
ReplyDeleteI believe the story is true, what is obviously not true is the 3-week rule.
Sorry OP, 3-week rule does not exist, he just had 3 weeks of dates that flopped, before he try to take you with a lame excuse as hid n-th best option. But don't worry, he was obviously lame, you don't need him.