Hands Off the Merchandise

Submitted by Ralph:

Cindy holds the dubious honor of being my shortest date ever.  We were talking in a restaurant booth, I don't even remember what it was about, and for some reason, she had her butter knife in her hand, waving it around as she was talking.

Next thing I knew, she had dropped the knife and she slipped down to the floor to get it.

At once, I felt the unmistakable grasp of her hand on my nuts.

"Got your balls!" she shouted, way too loudly, from under the table.

I moved my knee to push her away.  She screamed, "Ow!" and scrambled back up to her side of the booth.  She grabbed her purse, stood up, and told me that if that was how I wanted it, then that was how it would be.  She walked out, leaving my balls and I by ourselves at the table.

Upon reflection, that was how I wanted it.


  1. "Got your balls!"

    Ah, pure poetry.

  2. Is that supposed to be a more adult version of "Got your nose"?

  3. You don't play? I play "got your balls" with all my dates..

  4. You should have stuck your fingers in her clam and carried her out like a six pack.

  5. Someone gave that poor girl bad advice when it comes to seducing men. I bet she was a chunky girl, and her thinner, prettier friends told her, "No, totally duck under the table and grab his nuts! Guys LOOOOOOOOVE that. *giggle*"

  6. Did Cindy go under the moniker of Fizziks?

  7. I don't see how this was a bad date, this sounded like it would be awesome...mostly because it would be the first time a woman has ever touched my genitalia.

  8. I think I might have been more nervous considering she went under there to get her knife. Granted, it was only a butter knife but the thought of my nuts in one of her hands and a knife in the other just makes me uncomfortable. You really DAB there OP ;-)

  9. HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Maybe she wanted to butter his balls!

    I can't get this sing-songy "got your balls!" voice out of my head now. Christ that's funny.

  10. for some reason, she had her butter knife in her hand, waving it around as she was talking.That would concern me

  11. Got your balls! After waiving her knife around...You win! That's the best story I've read! I'm laughing so hard.

  12. Yep. This is a good one.


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