Why Aren't You in the Kitchen?

Submitted by Allie:

Andrew was a blind date.  At first he was very polite and kind, but I eventually discovered that his pleasant demeanor was masking something... something like a really outdated attitude towards women.

It began innocently enough.  He asked me what I did for a living, and I told him that I ran a small business, full-time.

"For your father?" he asked.

"No.  I started it myself.  It's a cleaning service."

That seemed to satisfy him.  "Well, that makes sense.  If you said, 'Contracting' or 'Lawn care,' I'd have been surprised."


He frowned like I was annoying him and said, "Duh."

But I pressed him further.  "Why surprised?"

He sighed and said, "Women typically gravitate towards certain types of jobs.  On a bell curve.  You know, like something with cleaning, cooking, fashion, teaching, etc."

I told him, "I wasn't aware of that.  My mother's an attorney, my sister's in med school, I'm an entrepreneur, and my girlfriends are also young professionals.  I might very well make more money than my future husband, and I'm perfectly fine with that."

I try not to be one of "those girls" who smash a guy's face in women's lib, unless one of "those guys" show up to remind me of how ignorant so many people still are.

He dug himself a little deeper, "I think I'd die before letting my wife make more than I did.  It's just who I am."

"You'd rather be dead than have a wife who could afford to take you out to nice dinners and take care of you as much as you took care of her?  That's being pretty unfair to yourself."

He said, "That's just who I am.  The man has certain responsibilities.  So does the woman.  They're different."

We had a pleasant rest of the date, said goodnight, and never went out again.

He's married now.  I'm still single.  Probably will be for a while.

Men's lib? (circa 1971).


  1. Yep, you probably will be.

  2. No one cares how much money you make. It's only important that you're not fat or ugly.

  3. ^Well obviously the date guy cared how much money she makes.... Personally I'd rather be single than w/ a Dbag afraid of my self sufficiency and generosity, and I'm neither fat or ugly. His loss!

  4. ^Apparently, that guy cared how much money she makes. :P

    At least the date ended pleasantly enough, and he didn't try to force his ideas on you by fighting you for the check (you DID at least offer to pay, right, Miss Feminist?) or pushing past you to open doors, or making you go into the restaurant's kitchen to make his dinner.

  5. I love it when dudes talk about how statistics show men are more logical/scientific and get the underlying points totally wrong. Since they're more technically oriented and all.

    And any XY that thinks someone with boobies making 5 grand more a year means he's a failure as a man wasn't much of one to begin with.

  6. I think guys like that have a problem with not being in control of everything and especially their relationship. In their mind, if they aren't making the most money, then they don't get the last word in decision making. Most money equals most power. Be glad you ducked that one OP because it would not have a partnership, it would have been a pissing contest.

    On a side note, what the hell kind of dude would rather die than have a hottie that was bringing home the bacon? I say bring it on and long live the Sugar Momma!

  7. my guy thinks it's awesome that I'm a driven career woman and he supports me in what makes me happy as I support him in the same way.

    When are people going to wake up and realize that men and women are equals?

  8. I would absolutely love it if my wife made more money than me. In fact, it would be perfect if she made enough money that I could not work or do a low paying job that I actually like. Sadly, she is one of the millions of unemployed so that dream will probably never happen.

    I can see how a person's job would make a difference when you first meet someone, but other than that it makes absolutely no difference (unless it makes the person miserable or hazerdous somehow).

  9. Yo, OP wanna go out so you can buy me nice things and take me nice places. :D

  10. He was not entirely wrong. some guys still feel the pressure to be the strong supportive one in the relationship and its not like there are a shortage of woman out there who support that idea.

  11. It's Like This4/02/2010 6:47 PM

    Don't worry, you won't be single for long. There are nice guys out there. I have a great husband who supports my independence & my career while still working WITH me towards a mutual goal. Anyone less of a man than that is not worth the time of a successful woman.

    Sorry to all the dumb-shits out there who still think that women have to be Barbie dolls in maid outfits in order to be loved, *cough* first two Anonymous's *cough*. Guys like that need to realize feminism happened, get over it and keep up!

  12. Jared, you missed the mark on the title.

    The guy has old fashioned beliefs that are being construed as women hating. He has the right to believe what he wants.

    No matter how things in society change, the natural instinct of men will be as a provider and protector. That is what makes women attracted to us - the manly traits, otherwise all women could be bisexuals or just strait up lesbians.

    The Op feeling threatened felt the need to validate herself and then threw in his face the thing about money.

    Well shoot, now serve up your controversial beliefs on religion and politics.

    Guys do want a self reliant women but not a conceited one with no manners or class no matter if the Op's date had an attitude. Enjoy the single life.

    Doesn't feminism teach anything other than men bashing?

    You don't see feminists promoting stay at home men / fathers. Not even promoting that women be the aggressor approaching men, asking for the number, taking them out on the date and paying. etc etc

  13. Fizziks

    "I love it when dudes talk about how statistics show men are more logical/scientific and get the underlying points totally wrong. Since they're more technically oriented and all."

    So, how does the guy in this story get the 'underlying points wrong' exactly?

    I know more likely you are taking the opportunity throw around your propaganda but it is quite a stretch.

  14. I get what you're saying, 1:20, but I don't necessarily agree with it. Your point about bisexuals and lesbians is especially skewed in that I have no idea the point you're trying to make. So all heterosexual women are only attracted to men based on some sort of innate, "biological" need to be taken care of and provided for, which only a MAN can provide her with? Then bisexual women and lesbians are aberrations, right? Because they are too manly themselves, and therefore, don't desire a "manly" man to offer them food and shelter and a simpler way of life?

    And I'm a feminist, and I think that any man who wants to stay at home and be a dad is a great thing. Too often in advice columns and just eavesdropping on women, you hear complaints about men not helping out around the house more, not raising the children except as a disciplinarian, and these women are frustrated with that. Also, there are plenty of strong, feminist women out there who believe in making the first move; shit, that's how I got my boyfriend. He'll tell anyone who listened that *I* pursued *him* and made it easy for him to know that I liked him without having to play a lot of games. Just because there are still a large number of women out there who believe in traditional mating gender roles doesn't mean that all women act like that.

    The only point you made with which I agree is that the OP's date had a right to his beliefs, even if I don't agree with them. He will find a woman who wants to stay at home and be a mother and homemaker and be fine with that, and the OP will no doubt find a man who doesn't care if she makes more than he does, as long as she still sees him as an equal.

  15. The Fizziks stalker strikes again! Why don't you get a real screen name Anon 1:30 so we know what to call you...besides the obvious?

  16. 6:47 is probably fat. And ugly.

  17. Yeah right, OP is an 'entrepreneur' being a cleaner, if I were that guy I'd have said "Aww, that's adorable!" and patted her on the head.
    As far as I can see, the date did have an old fashioned view of the world, but he wasn't exactly woman bashing.

  18. What he meant by "If you said, 'Contracting' or 'Lawn care,' I'd have been surprised," was that if you had said "contracting" or "lawn care," he'd have been surprised you're out on a date with a male.

  19. well woman, I hope you have a laptop in the kitchen, else something would be seriously wrong, I'm hungry make me a sammich and a beer.

  20. ANON 1:10 - Coming from a woman myself i must say that Men and Woman ARE NOT Equals. Not Physically, not mentally, NOT emotionally. And if you think we are then i hope you pay for your own meals on dates like another poster says.

    OP is still single because shes a feminist who twists things and makes it seem worse then it is.. I bet the rebuttal would show that SHE kept pressing the issue, not him.. That's why he's married, shes still single.. or shes not much of a looker..


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