I Didn't Feel So Welfare

Submitted by L.:

I met Ryan when he sent me a message on MySpace. As it turned out, he worked at a convenience store close to where I worked, and the day that I stopped in to meet him happened to be my birthday. He actually bought me a teddy bear! It was so sweet.

I learned from him later that he used to be into cocaine, and had been in a coma caused by a car accident, which he had because he was high. He was three years clean though, so when he asked me out on a date, I accepted.

When I met him at the restaurant, he had a bouquet of flowers waiting for me. So sweet! Then he asked if his friends could join us. They had apparently given him a ride there.  To be polite, I said yes.

Worst. Mistake. Ever.

Fortunately, we were seated back in the party room, so my mortification wasn't made too public. The friends, a couple dressed in ratty clothes, brought their two "lovely" children with them. They talked incessantly and ran around and around the table while the mother, who was a good 350 lbs., just kind of stared at them with a blank expression.

Ryan's friend, who needed to be introduced to a shower and looked like he had recently fought against a weedwacker (and lost), asked me if I worked. I said yes, as a single mom I worked full time to support my son. He elbowed Ryan and said, "Looks like you found your sugar mama!"

Ryan just grunted and laughed.

I decided to stick it out for a while, and the conversation turned to how my date and his friend were "state babies," meaning that they worked the least amount possible in order to get as much assistance from the state as possible so that they didn't have to pay for as much as possible. I guess that extra money went to six-packs, cigarettes and tin roof patches for the trailer.

Finally I made an excuse about having to get home to the baby and left as quickly as possible.

Needless to say, I don't go to that convenience store much anymore, and I never went out on another date with him.

Maybe it's in their blood?


  1. Looks like you dodged a bullet there!!!!1

  2. Never date a guy named Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

  3. That's not fair to Apu. He works seven days a week to support his wife and eight babies. He ain't on welfare, I'm sure he'd rather die than not put in an honest life's work. So stop harping on Apu!

  4. Wow, what a gold digger - only into a man for the free teddy bears :P

    Have you reconsidered dating recovering addicts you've met thru MySpace? If only for your son's sake. Or are you just limiting it to ones that can at least drive themselves?

  5. What happened to your son's dad?

  6. @Anon 9:32
    This makes zero sense.

    And Jared - the links you are posting at the bottom of each post are getting stupider and more unrelated.

  7. 11:30 - That's not really an appropriate question to ask a random person on the Internet you have no intention of meeting. :P Tact, dude.

  8. 11:30 - That made me laugh my ass off!

  9. @11:53.

    Good point. A link to a news story about dating has no place on a website about dating. I'm pleased that the millions I'm paying you in consultant fees is well spent.

  10. I agree with 11:53. This one has a feeling that you just did a google search for "dating" and came up with some random article. I've just gotten used to skipping over your boring dribble and get to the user content.

  11. @1:26.

    A story about dating based on blood type is interesting and different. However, the links you post on your own site are far more informative and interesting. Please forgive me.

  12. son's dad is a deadbeat who does nothing for him.

  13. 11:30 that was awesome

    and 1:53 so I guess you didn't learn you lesson.

  14. I did learn my lesson, I now date a CO who has his shit in gear.

  15. ^ CO = cock osculator

    "I'm on marriage #3. Third time's a charm!!"

  16. HT - thanks, but I don't really consider it defense so much as I do a good, 'ol fashioned Internet fight pickin'. By gar, it's been awhile.

  17. ^ My site is WAY better than yours, JMG. In fact, in order to not piss off my visitors, I took the route of having no content at all. It's got so little content, it actually doesn't even rest on a server, so there's not even a URL to post. It's not even on a local machine! THAT'S how bad-ass it is.

  18. @9:59:

    I am in awe of your 1337 skillz. >weeps<

  19. If his site is so good why is he on yours?

  20. ^^Only losers troll their own site, duh.

  21. Sounds like all of you on that date were trailer trash.


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