Uh... Nine and a Half?

Submitted by Michael:

The worst date I ever went on was one with my girlfriend (at the time) of three years.  After the typical hour-long discussion of what to do, I finally decided that we were going out to eat at a great local micro-brewery/restaurant.
On the car ride over, I could already tell that it was going to be an interesting evening. Even though she was quiet, I could tell that she was in one of her "high maintenance" moods. Since this was not new to me, I knew that if I provided a little extra pampering, then everything would be okay.
My prediction was right. First, no matter where we were sat, she felt a draft and was too cold. The server politely moved us three times until she finally confirmed that she would survive in a booth curled up next to me under both of our jackets.
Next was the ordeal of ordering drinks. I was excited to try out the unique specialty beers sold only at this brewery. In the three years we were together, she had never discovered a drink that she liked. So she would always ask for "something alcoholic, but fruity and girly, but not too strong."
When she told our server this, I smiled and remained supportive, but was growing slightly more embarassed as the night went on. She hated the first two drinks that the server brought, (both were complete guesses on his part and looked like elaborate, expensive cocktails).  She finally settled on a lemonade and we ordered dinner.
While I was on cloud nine with my delicious beer and perfectly-cooked steak, she picked at her meal with her fork with a frown. I don't remember what she had but she hated the taste and I'm sure a few other things were wrong with it.
She had finally had enough of the restaurant's failure and demanded to talk to a manager. I reluctantly agreed and we had the server fetch him. Unbeknownst to me, when he arrived, I was the one to do all the explaining as she immediately fell silent. So I listed off each item, while reminding him that I love the restaurant and would be coming back anyways.
Of course he was nice about the whole thing and insisted on giving us everything for free. I fought back and insisted to at least pay for my meal and drinks since nothing was wrong with them. He fought back, and this went on for a few minutes. She finally told me to settle everything while she waited in the car.
When she was gone, I inhaled the rest of my food and then dropped cash on the table; enough to cover my food and drink plus a hefty tip.
When I got to the car, I made the "mistake" of telling her this. She went berserk. She yelled at me because by paying any money at all, I was "not taking her side" and not "defending her." I tried to explain that we were still provided a service and that the server deserved a tip. This fell on deaf ears.
To salvage the evening, we stopped at a bar to get drinks on the patio to try and put the ugliness behind us. Our server at this bar was cute and wearing a short plaid skirt and stockings. Every time we thanked her for dropping off a drink, she would seductively tell us, "AbsoLUTEly..." It became really funny and we joked about it.
Out of the blue my girlfriend asked me "How would you rate her on a scale of one to ten?"
Guys, you know that there is no right answer to this question. I tried hard to present a poker face while mumbling "I dunno, five or six..."
This answer worked and I was off the hook. Then she hit me with, "What would you rate me?" Trust me, I know that you always say ten. But in the heat of the moment, with a few drinks in my system, I thought that for some stupid reason, I should be honest.
I said, "Oh, you're definitely a nine babe." (C'mon there are only a few tens on this planet.) She stormed out to the car and sat out there while I paid our tab. Of course the ride home was silent and then I slept on the couch.
On my loneliest nights of being single and feeling sorry for myself, I like to think about this date and I always feel better.


  1. Three years? She's a childish brat, but you are an enabler.

  2. Damn, that sounds like a horrible evening. Your last line pretty much summons it up :)

  3. You both sound terrible.

  4. I suppose "You're definitely a nine babe, and if you want supporting evidence, there is NO OTHER REASON ON EARTH I would put up with your batshit crazy behavior!" wouldn't have made her any happier, huh?

  5. It starts when her daddy puts up with all of her shit. Then, it continues when you put up with all of her shit.

    I know the type. The guys that go out with them ususally have some sort of mommy issue.

  6. You deserve a medal for putting up with her shit. I married 2 times into that "crazy batshit" behavior. Looks aren't worth the hassle.

  7. If she was so terrible why were you with her so long?

  8. Because, Anon 3:01, men will put up with anything in order to get laid. ANYTHING.

  9. Came here to post the exact same thing as Anon 3:10, leaving satisfied.

    Seriously though, I have put up with shit crazier than that for the promise of steady bone-ination.

  10. She sounds like a pain in the armpits.

    I'm impressed you lasted so long with her - I reckon I'd give that sort of behaviour 2 months tops.

  11. Wow. Some of you are really eager to beat up on the OP. Most males with a libido have had this girlfriend at least once. She is really nice-looking or horny or something.

    It's only after a period of time that we come to our senses. Give the guy a break.

  12. I would suggest everyone try on a "diva" just once, it will make you appreciate a real woman so much more.

  13. lmao, oddly enough. This story made me feel better as well.

  14. Hahahaha - sounds EXACTLY like my ex! Thank Og for divorces and moving on to greener pastures!

  15. wow i don't think i could put up with that after one date...that is of course unless she put out on said date

    and who is Og? o_0


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