'Tisn't Easy, Being Sneezy

Submitted by John:

Tina was a little quiet on our date, but I could forgive that.  She didn't look at me too often when talking to me, but that was also okay.  She answered most of my questions with short answers that were difficult to extrapolate into further conversation, but even that was all right.

After every sentence, however, Tina would snort what sounded like fifty gallons of mucus up her nose.

Early on, I asked her if she needed a tissue.

She said, "No thanks," SNORRRRRT!

I asked her, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure," she snapped.  Okay... point taken.

But after every sentence...

"Tina, what's it like, being a manufacturing engineer?"

"I like it a lot," SNORRRT, "I get to do a lot of writing," SNORRRRRT, "and the people I work with are cool," SNORRRRRRRRRRT.

Jesus God... it drove me crazy really quickly.  I finally hit it head on and asked, "Are you feeling okay?  You sure you don't want a tissue?"

I was afraid that she'd get really upset at me, but she shook her head and said, "No, I'm fine.  I just probably should try to sneeze, huh?"

I wasn't sure what sneezing would accomplish, but she started stroking the bridge of her nose with two fingers.  She said, "Okay," and prepared to sneeze.  Be sure to cover your mouth.  Please cover your mouth.  Why aren't you covering your mouth?


If I hadn't grabbed my own napkin a split-second before and held it up as a barrier, I would still be covered, today.  It was a catastrophe.  She turned heads, and I'm being serious.  A huge gob of mucus was all over the lower half of her face, like a chewing gum bubble that had burst.

But she wasn't done.  Another sneeze was on the way.  I reached across the table and shoved my napkin under her nose.


My hand got covered, but at least I caught most of it in the napkin.  She readied for another sneeze, and by this time, I could feel so many eyes on me, but I readjusted the napkin so that it would hopefully catch most of whatever was about to...


Yep.  Caught most of it in the napkin.  She stood up from the table, holding her nose, said, "Excuse me," and took off straight for the women's room.  Why didn't she go there when her nose first started running?

She came back, apologized a dozen times, and the rest of the date actually didn't go so badly.  She was a good girl, and I wasn't about to write her off for something like that, but man, was it gross.

You're lucky that's all it was.


  1. Heh. Gross.

    Unsure if the 11s in the first sneeze were intentional, but I liked the mental image they created.

  2. I feel so awful for this OP. What person over the age of 2 doesn't know to cover their faceholes when they sneeze? Totally gross!

  3. "She came back, apologized a dozen times, then picked up her fork and ate mucus-covered shrimp"

    You handled that whole thing with remarkable aplomb OP, and still didn't write her off as a date. Wow. You should either be an ER doctor or date me. Full Disclosure: Less icky being the ER doctor.

  4. "AHH-CHOOO!!1one"

  5. Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God BOOGERS. This is why I don't like being around sick babies. *shudder* I would have freaked b/c I'm a priss (I'll admit it!), but way to handle a completely AWKWARD situation and make the most of it. And if you two stayed together, what a great speech you could give at your wedding...providing she hasn't mucused all over the microphone first.

  6. God, I STILL can't get the (very clear, thanks to my overactive imagination) visual of ALL THAT SNOT out of my head!!!

  7. @ Nikki - it's fun to picture that wedding. Patient Zero needs love, too ;)

  8. Dude she was probably busting rails....

  9. A really juicy girl.

  10. It should be noted that not all physicists are as hygienically challenged as Fizziks apparently is. :p

  11. True, 12:06. It's not so much that my personal hygiene is gross as eventually my friends are going to get me on "How Clean Is Your House?". Glasses of curdled soymilk around the bedroom are a real weenie-shrinker.

  12. Ahh mucus, the glue that holds relationships together. :)

    Glad the OP stuck it out but I definitely can't say I would have done the same. But then again, babies kind of gross me out.

    @ Nikki: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! ;)

  13. ^ Haha, the two posters are gonna make sex. Everyone count down with me!

    3... 2... 1... PREGNANT!

  14. 3...2...1...Oh, sorry. This has never happened to me before, I swear!

  15. Don't worry, I hear it happens to LOTS of guys. Just not any of the ones I've been with... until you.


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