More Flags. Less Fun.

Submitted by Jessica:

Phil and I met at art school.  He was was 10 years older than me but we both had a weird, nerdy sense of humor so we got along great. (How we met: he asked what I kept in the pockets on my shoes and I replied "spiders.")

He seemed a bit too grabby and clingy, but one day while talking about our favorite amusement park rides he suggested that we go to Six Flags together. Awesome! He told me that he had a season pass.  I had some expendable cash, so we ventured forth on a sunny weekday!

Everything went cool until we actually arrived there. We waited in line in the Texas summer heat for about an hour. Augh.

He motioned for me to pay first, which I did (around $50? I think?) and I stepped into the gate. I couldn't wait to run and jump around like a idiot to the crazy latin techno that played over the speakers.

I noticed I was waiting there for an awfully long time. He walked up to the gate and told me that he didn't bring his pass; it was at his house, nearly two hours away in a town I never even heard of.  "BWHUH?"

I swallowed my angst and figured we could just head to his house, grab it, and come back! So I begrudgingly left, carressing the metal bars as I departed to get a hand stamp. The whole point was to spend time together anyway.

So we get to his... oh wait. It's his extraordinarily old grandmother's house in the middle of the freakin' boonies. Not that I'm judging him for living with relatives; we're starving art students. But man. He slept in a damn closet. He was 30. There was something terribly creepy about that.

So he started looking for the pass in the weirdest places and yelling at his grandma who was clearly feebly warding off death with a stick.  I checked out his extensive VHS collection. Some good ones, mostly 1980s kitch.

So he gave up looking and took me out back to this secluded wooded area and we explored a creek bed.  He then told me about his super-awesome best friend who he was immaturely infatuated with. She got hitched and is preggers but he still treated her like a kid.  He mentioned pushing her into the snow.  Shoving a 26-year-old pregnant woman isn't nearly as funny and cute as you think, buddy.

So while I tried to scoot further away from him, I realized that I wanted to go home, right then and there.

Needless to say, the whole ordeal was extremely awkward.  I got conned out of $50 for reasons that elude me (possibly sinister?), got a tour of his backwoods creepy love shanty, and regaled with stories of borderline abuse about the woman that got away (with her life).

Eh... here's why you're probably better off.
And another reason.


  1. hmmmm... if the lack of a season pass was a genuine mistake and the OP knew he was a bit odd already then I can't see why the OP didn't expect this date to be like this. The guy was probably just a bit socially inept, and without more detail on exactly what the stories of "borderline abuse" of a pregnant woman were I really can't tell what the OP's problem with her date was.

  2. "How we met: he asked what I kept in the pockets on my shoes and I replied "spiders.""

    OMG! You're just as funny and quirky as Juno!

  3. 1:07, between this one and The Grass Is Not Always Greener, the argument keeps being made that men can pull a date bait-and-switch and be as grabby as they please but that's acceptable because they might be "socially inept"? Really??? Why do their dates have to put up with that?

    I'm sure the youth soccer coach that fondled your balls when you were 8 was socially inept, too.

  4. I don't really see how you were 'conned' out of $50, its not like he took your money. How was it sinister? However, I might just be being dumb here, someone enlighten me?

  5. Why didn't he just pay to get into the park too? Yeah, it was $50 he might not have, but why totally fuck up the date?

    True story though: that first link that Jared posted horrified me more than this "bad" date.

  6. in retrospect, if you like amusement parks so much you should have just left him outside while you had fun. Tie him to a lamp post or something.

  7. his Mom hid his pass because she was tired of him bringing home corpses.

  8. Still trying to get the spider in the shoe pockets joke.

    Still trying to figure out why this was such a bad date.

    I must not be hip enough.

  9. What kind of shoe has pockets anyway?

  10. ^ The kind that you can store spiders in, duh...

  11. He had 1980's kitch in his video collection so you have to forgive him for everything. If he loves John Hughes then he must be a pretty solid guy.

  12. first off: rule of first dates... take separate cars. for another thing, you dont plan to go to a place like six flags, disney world, or sea world without checking to see if you have your ticket. seeing as how he probably didnt have much money from the way she discribed his living environment, he was probably hoping she'd just pay for his ticket that he "forgot". the girl knows him from class and that he's quirky, so why she'd follow a strange fellow to the backwoods is beyond me... thats how people get killed.

  13. "it was at his house, nearly two hours away"

    ~4hr+ time to look and pit stops

    So why did you not realize you should get a refund and cut your losses?

    All of this comes down to the OP's ignorance, shouldn't have gone on this type of date with someone you know very little about.


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