An Honor I'm Happy to Bear

Submitted by Richard:

Colleen was a girl I noticed on a particular online dating site. I had checked out her profile a few times and liked what I read, so I messaged her. I didn't hear back from her, so I moved on.

Six months later, I received a message from her in my inbox. No explanation about why it had taken her so long to write back. Just a message as if I had written her the first e-mail the day before.

In reply to her message, I said, "I'm surprised to hear from you after so long. You must have been really busy for the past six months :) ."

Her response acknowledged every question/statement I had except for that one. I wrote it off as probably a personal matter, and we eventually made plans to meet.

Meet we did, at a park. It was a beautiful fall day, there was a lake nearby, and I was looking forward to it. She showed up looking great. I had pretty much forgotten about her long absence.

As we were walking, she confessed, "I'm sorry that I didn't contact you for six months. I was going through a tough time."

I said, "That's okay. Don't worry."

She stopped walking and said, "Promise you won't go taking off or something."

"I promise."

"I was being investigated by the police. For something really, really bad."

A strange thing happened in my chest, then. It turned cold. She went on, "One of my friends... former friends... got mixed up in a drug thing and someone ended up dead."

I felt my heartbeat in my skull. I asked, "What was it that you were being investigated for?"

She said, "Sorry! I mean... not dead. Just hurt really bad."

I had to sit down somewhere. Why are there no benches when you need them? I said, "Just explain things to me."

This got her angry and she said, "It's really none of your business. All you need to know is that I wasn't involved in any way, and that everybody's fine."

"All except for the dead or mostly dead guy."

She growled and said, "It was a girl and shut up. I told you it was none of your business."

I know I had promised to keep cool, and you'd better believe that every ounce of my energy was devoted to that. The best thing, I thought, was to end it there and then.

I told her, "Look, I don't think this is for me. I'm sorry."

She frowned at me and said, "Congratulations! You're an asshole!" and just sat there. I left. Thank God I never heard from her again.

Neato information about capital punishment and murder.


  1. Why do people make their dates SWEAR they "won't freak out," then drop something crazy on them like, "Oh, I was being investigated for a drug-related homicide" and get pissed off when the other person (understandably) either wants to know more details (like, are you SURE you weren't involved?) or wants to end the date?

    If you don't want someone to think you're a murderer that early on in the relationship process, then maybe don't tell them you were being investigated for murder. Or at least be a little more understanding when they get freaked out.

  2. Wow, you blew that one. So what if she was mixed up in some trouble with the law before? Besides it could have been any drug, even some weed (who hasnt bought or sold that at some point?) The past is the past, and we all make mistakes. Most people who try to make a little extra cash from a little side action don't really think someone is going to get hurt over it. It just happens. Then you learn from your mistakes and get out of the biz. I would say that you were the bad date.

  3. I would agree with Nikki though that there was no reason for her to bring that up, but she was probably thinking about it a lot.

    It is not like she killed somebody, and I am sure she would have given you the details if you kept seeing each other.

  4. I think you guys got this all wrong. Chick was a straight up gangsta bustin' caps in anyone that got in the way of her pushing crank up and down the block. The girl that got "hurt" was totally one of her customers that didn't pay up. Time to meet Mr. Sledgehammer if you don't have the green. The fact is she didn't know if the girl was dead or alive because she beat her within an inch of her life and left her for dead in a van down by the river!

    I agree with Nikki, don't tell your date all your crazy shit on the first outing. Save something for later.

  5. As far as I'm concerned this guy handled this situation like an adult. He hit the point where he realized "I'm not comfortable with this person" and ended the date right then in there. Didn't "go along with the date anyway" like every other story on here. He just said "no thanks" and got out of there. No lies, no excuses.

  6. LOL Architect, Lol indeed:-)

  7. Congratulations! If you're an asshole, at least you're a LIVE asshole. Anybody who would like to live a reasonably normal life should immediately back out when something this bizarre comes up on a first date.

  8. She was lying. She didn't get back to you for 6 months because she was dating someone else, but wanted to leave her options open. Your profile pictures are probably not the best. Or maybe they are, and she didn't feel like responding to you for a long time. If you are expecting an answer "yes" or "no" at the time you ask, try getting out of the house and ask someone out in person. Until then, expect the person you're wanting to date to be just as passive as you are.

  9. I think she probably was locked up for six months.

  10. She was just paranoid... she was on that dust.

  11. I have to say that this does feel like an overreaction. I mean -- according to her, of course, but still -- she didn't DO anything, one of her friends did; it was just something that affected her life. Why does she keep paying for that guy's fuckup even now?

    Which doesn't mean that bringing it up like this was a great move on her part, but still, and I'm not saying that he was under an obligation to hang out with her if he didn't feel it, but I have a real hard time seeing her as some sort of a bad person here.

  12. I'm going to go with the poster being the butthole on this one. Yeah, I said 'butthole', shut up. He's not all the way to 'asshole' status, but he's up there.

    I'm willing to bet that if she had told you all about this on a 3rd, 5th or 49th date - you would say "This is really something you should have told me before."
    Maybe it was a lot to hear, but I was kinda weirded out that you felt physically off when she told you about it. It's a first date - you aren't yet chained to the girl, and it's really not your problem.
    Feeling woozy like you need to sit down? Crickey - she didn't tell you her second head was going to come out of her mouth and eat you.
    You don't even know the girl. Who cares? Were you already naming your children before she mentioned this or something?

    Maybe she just wanted to be really up front with you, to make sure you wouldn't be bolting like you did. Starting off with honesty is the best you could hope for.

  13. I dunno. If it was really just a misunderstanding, like she said, I would expect much more lighthearted or exasperated type of thing--'I'm *so* sorry I didn't get up with you, but you won't believe the horrible time I had.....' Maybe others have freaked when she did that or maybe she lost a lot of friends over it, but it just didn't sound...well...innocent(keeping in mind this is OP's memory of it).
    When I have physical reactions like that I figure I'm getting cues subconsciously. She may have been giving off serious creepy vibes over and above 'something really, really bad'.
    I agree with Nikki, too--if you don't want to explain, don't bring it up.

  14. I agree with nomatophobia. The girl in this date was in a Catch-22. Either keep it secret and then face the wrath of your s/o when he finds out later, or be upfront about it and get it out of the way.

    Personally, I appreciate her honesty as I am not fond of unpleasant surprises being sprung on me when I've been dating someone for quite some time.

  15. Be real nice to her and tell you understand. Have a killer day at the park with a freak and hopefully get her into bed and never call her again. That way the day isn't a total waste, gosh what a wimp.

  16. @11:57 "Besides it could have been any drug, even some weed (who hasnt bought or sold that at some point?)"

    Me. And most people I know. And to clarify - I even went to art school. Why is it that people who have done pot think that EVERYONE has done it or is OK with it?

    As for this tale... the OP should have been a bigger asshole to her after she called him that. I'd have started pushing buttons, prying further.


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