But How Many Feet in a Race?

Submitted by Rina:

Derek e-mailed me on an Internet dating profile site, and distinguished himself immediately from the usual suspects. For starters, everything was spelled correctly, he was very polite, and didn't say a thing about how long his penis was or that he wanted to do me. Sadly, it was the lack of these things, rather than the substance of his message, that attracted me.

He was always very nice, but something was off about him that I just couldn't place. I agreed to a dinner date, followed by a "race," so he said.

"A race?" I asked, "What do you mean?"

He said, "A race that's been going on for years. Nothing ever changes, but it's still fun to watch."

I asked him for further clarification, and he grew a bit impatient and said, "Let's just walk by the river after dinner." It had been warm lately, so I agreed to that idea.

Dinner was awful. He didn't ask me a thing about myself, and I must have asked him a hundred questions about being a med student. I don't need to be talking about myself non-stop, but I need some conversation! "What's the biggest challenge of med school so far?" I'd ask.

He'd reply, "I don't know. The work, I guess."

The best was when I asked him what sort of doctor he wanted to be. His answer was, "The kind who takes care of people, I guess."

I prodded further, "Yes, but one who helps people in general, one who helps their feet, one who helps their eyes..."

He interrupted, "One who helps their feet? Is that a joke?"

I said, "A podiatrist."

He said, "Never heard of it."

Okay then. After dinner, we took a walk by a river and we made it to where the town essentially ended and the woods began. I stopped. He kept going. I asked him, "Where are you going?"

He said, "We're so close. Can't we see the race?"

I asked him, "What is this race you keep talking about?"

He smiled, turned his head to me slowly, and said, "The race into my pants."

Well my friends, I promptly raced away from him, his pants, and his med-student-lack-of-knowledge about podiatry. Definitely the weirdest date I've ever been on.

There is such a thing as knowing too much about feet.


  1. Spelling was so important to you in the dating profile, yet your wrote, "What's the biggest challnge of med school.."

    Maybe he should have seen the red flags, eh?

  2. I can't help but feel this is at least partly made up. Boring date, granted, but this "race" business is just a bit hard to believe.

  3. Yes, it is hard to believe. I would like to think it is real though. That is one dumb dude. I wondfer how many times he has tried that?

  4. He's the one they call Doctor Feel Good, he's the one that'll make you feel...... skeeved out. What did this guy think was going to happen? Maybe he thought he had found a Julianna from the "Please Don't Breed" department but baring that I just don't see the synapses firing to make this thought happen. "I'll take her into the woods, tell her to get in my pants, and we'll be getting it on in minutes." Worst plan ever. He should have just said "You got auh real purdy mouth" and cued up the banjo music. Guys like these just kill the chances for us normal internet daters.

  5. Everyone's Invited to MY Pants Party3/25/2010 12:35 PM

    Hahaha! Love it. If he had asked you to go with him to party...saying that you had a "special invitation" would you have gone with him too?

  6. Dude was definitely not a med student. Good job getting yourself out of danger! That was dangerous.

  7. Not sure why this "med student" was so anxious to get in your pants - I thought that's was the cadavers were for.

  8. Sounds like a creep, but podiatrists aren't MDs - they don't go to med school, they go to podiatry school

  9. The part where he said "nothing ever changes" about the race... makes so much sense now!!! =)

  10. Once again the "distinguished himself immediately" clause gets revealed as "he's going to make me lots of monies so I don't have to work."

    You were the victim of an awesome set piece. Not really a bad date.

  11. Fizziks...Further to your post....Maybe the med student wanted to take her to the morgue to 'suck back a few colds ones'...?

  12. Haha back when I was on an online dating site, I used to get messages from guys who claimed to be in med school or law school all the time. Sometimes they would even have pictures up that looked like they were stolen off some male model website. It usually rubbed me the wrong way because they would always mention it in their first message like "I'm John, and I'm in law school."
    I'm guessing he was lying he was in med school, so you would sleep with him! What a skeezy jerk.

  13. ^ Right. Because med students are SO hot right now...

  14. Mmm... no depth, no personality, and wants you to get in his panties. oh he's a sure thing ;]

  15. hahahahaha he's quite clearly not a med student if he'd never heard of podiatry.

    Also, podiatrists are MDs. They go to regular med school like every other doctor, get their MD, and then specialize in Podiatry for their residency.


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