Who Invited This Guy?

Submitted by Sarah:

Robert was an acquaintance who invited me out to a bar with some of our mutual friends.  I asked him if he meant it to be a date, and he said that he would like that.  He seemed nice and so I took him up on it.

About eight of us ended up together at the bar, so it was a good crowd and Robert paid very close attention to me.  We bought each other drinks and were in our own little world.

Then, Billy arrived.

Billy is the best friend of one person in the group, so Billy is usually invited to everything, even though he's typically an asshole to everyone and people tend to leave earlier when he's around.

"What's up, motherfuckers?" was his first line.

We all mumbled our greetings and he went straight for the bar.

Oh, and the friend who always invited Billy along?  Robert.

Billy, with a beer, sat next to Robert and I, snorted, and said, "Nice tits."  Then, he turned to Robert and asked, "You tapping that, man?"

Robert grinned, glanced at me, and said, "I hope so."

Eew.  I smiled as best as I could in response, and Billy said, "Does she talk?"

"Hi, Billy.  We've met before," I said.

"Too bad," he said, and downed his beer in seconds.  He hit Robert on the shoulder and asked him if he wanted anything.  Robert was still working on his drink, so he said no.  Then, Billy pointed at me and asked, "How about you, cumbucket?"

I stared at him and said, "Wow.  You're an asshole."

He smirked and went to the bar.  I told Robert, "You're not going to be tapping anything tonight."

He clinked my glass and said, "The night's still young."

I excused myself to go sit with the larger part of the group, and aside from a few outbursts from Billy, he didn't mess with me anymore that night.

When I went to leave, Robert came up to me to ask if he and I could go out on a proper date.

I pointed to Billy and said, "Rob, I think you're taken," and left.


  1. I hate knowing that people THAT TERRIBLE AND DOUCHEY live in the world. >:P

  2. Points deducted for Robert condoning that kind of behavior...someone needs to put Billy in his place and that task usually/should fall on the best friend (if we're talking about adults here). You handled it brilliantly though.

  3. I think you should give Rob a second chance, just my take

  4. @ 1:37 - no, rob does not deserve a second chance. anyone who allows his best friend to call his date a 'cumbucket' deserves no consideration at all.

  5. Sorry Anon 1:37, I think you'll have to give up on Sarah, but next time you ask someone out, make sure that Billy doesn't show up; then you might have a chance to "tap it" before she figures out what a prick you are.

  6. cumbucket has to be the most offensive term ever and it says more about the person who said than the person it was directed at.

    At least Sarah got out with her dignity intact, which is apparently more than can be said for Robert and his moron friend.

  7. Wait a sec....aren't women Cumbuckets?

  8. Don't worry everyone, Billy will get his. He'll be strung out on meth, living in a trailer, and working at a gas station within 5 years and will probably take his coward little butt buddy Rob with him. People like Billy don't do well in society.

  9. Billy needs to resolve his feelings of jealousy and just ask Robert out. I think it's a love connection.

  10. "...Eew. I smiled as best I could..." the writer says after her date tells her the he hopes to tap later. Writer loses point here. Another case of sticking around for more damage.

  11. He smirked and went to the bar. I told Robert, "You're a disgusting excuse for a human being. I honestly cannot fathom how any female would want to sleep with you. I would rather slit my wrists with fine grit sandpaper then give you so much as a good-night kiss."

    He clinked my glass and said, "The night's still young."

    There's a fine line between confidence and stupidity.

  12. Points for the "Rob I think you're taken" line!

  13. Not all women, Anon 3:50, just women like your mom.

  14. Well played, Sarah.

  15. I'm amazed anyone would be friends with a cockblocker. Just goes to show, you learn something new everyday.

  16. This Billy would have been bitch slapped by me and made a scene in the place then crushed his nuts. Yes, this is who I am.


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