Submitted by Nora:
Carl was ridiculously late to our arranged-upon date. I tried calling him from the restaurant, but there was no answer. When he did show, he said that he had thought that our date was scheduled to be an hour later.
We ordered our food and when it was served, he spat out his mouthful of salmon. I asked him what was wrong.
He said that it tasted like broccoli and that he hated broccoli. I tried some myself, and it tasted like salmon to me. He tried again, and he again spat it out as if someone was trying to poison him.
He complained again that it tasted like broccoli, mentioned once more that he detested broccoli, and called the waiter over.
He explained to the waiter that he didn't eat things that tasted like broccoli, and sent it back. In the meantime, I offered him some chicken from my chicken Caesar salad.
He went for it, then spat it out. He asked me why the chicken tasted like broccoli. As I didn't think that it tasted like broccoli, I didn't have an explanation for him.
They sent over another another plate of salmon and he tried it. Wouldn't you know it, it also tasted like broccoli. I suggested that the problem was something in his own mouth. He drank his water, and he said that his water tasted like broccoli.
He began freaking out and accused me of being behind the whole thing. That's me and my broccoli powers for you. We drew the date to an early close. What a weirdo.
I hate people who dont like broccoli.
ReplyDeleteYou should send him a bouquet. Of broccoli.
ReplyDeleteIsn't that a medical condition, when everything you eat tastes like something else?
ReplyDeleteOh, wait, no it isn't. It's some dude who changed his mind about dating you and wanted to come up with the most unpleasant way of ending the date.
Frankly, my first thought was "paranoid schizophrenia". I'm not saying that's what he had, 'cause how would I know, but a delusional belief that everything tastes like broccoli combined with the accusations that his date was scheming to make everything taste like broccoli... Well, you know. It would kinda fit the bill.
ReplyDelete...do YOU taste like broccoli?
ReplyDeleteI'm a little bit in love with Anon 12:32
ReplyDeleteI would say it was a set piece but 1) he was late to begin with and 2) he made a scene. Either he had some serious mental problems or he was the broccoli dog in disguise.
ReplyDeleteYou dated George Bush Sr.?
ReplyDeleteIts no excuse for his behavior, but something similar happens to me a day or two after I eat green beans or edamame (soybeans). I figure it must be an allergic reaction, everything I eat or drink--even water--gives me a fowl taste in my mouth. I can kind of see how it could be called a broccoli taste. The weird thing is that it only started within the last couple of years. It took me a while to narrow it down to green beans. I haven't seen a doctor about it because its a completely avoidable problem and I don't have amazing health insurance.
ReplyDeleteBut regardless, this guy was completely crazy for freaking out about it. Even when I didn't know the source I knew it was me and not the food--of course water has no taste. For him to accuse you of some kind of conspiracy is crazy.
There's a clinical condition where certain flavours get stuck in people's mouths. I forget the name. There's also a condition where people spit things out on tables and make the entire date about their problems with their meal. I remember what that's called: "being a jerk."
ReplyDeleteI like this story :) and also broccoli.
ReplyDeleteHe didn't want to bang you. Peace out.
ReplyDeleteGripester = <3
ReplyDeleteHey Nikki, does your comment mean Gripester = penis? 'cause I think so.
ReplyDeleteReally, 2:07? Grow up.
ReplyDeleteyou could have let him lick your ass to get that taste out of his mouth.
ReplyDelete^ It probably tastes like broccoli.
ReplyDeleteI bet it doesn't smell like broccoli.
ReplyDeleteit probably tastes and smells like broccoli fermented in excrement.
ReplyDeleteBroccoli flavoured water. Now that could catch on...
ReplyDeleteThanks, Nikki, and "AnnBoner," you're one to talk!
ReplyDeleteCan't. Stop. Laughing. What a psycho.
ReplyDeleteHeya AnnBoner, <3 is a sideways valentine - try it in Verdana or Helvetica - it doesn't make sense in this website's serif font. I know what you meant, I was just kidding you back.
ReplyDelete