Surely the Internet Isn't ALL Bad

Submitted by Zachary:

My first and only time trying online dating was back in 2005.  I've never been on it since, and this story is why.

Emma's profile hit all the marks.  She worked in marketing for an ad agency, she seemed smart, had a lot to say, and was damn fine.  I wrote her a message, we went back and forth for a little while, graduated to phone calls, and ultimately made plans for a date.

I wasn't expecting to find someone I liked online so quickly, so I was pretty nervous.  I bought a new shirt.  I hadn't remembered the last time I felt such happy, anticipatory butterflies.  She laughed at my jokes.  She was a great conversationalist.  It was going to be awesome.

Hoooooo... it wasn't.  Not too long after sitting down at dinner, she asked me a bit more about my past.  I told her that I had been steady with a girl, Alana, throughout college, but that it had ended after Alana had moved away for a job.  I mentioned that Alana and I were still in touch, and Emma cut in, "Well, that would have to stop."

I asked her, "Stop?  What do you mean?"

Emma explained, like to a 3-year-old, that she wouldn't let a boyfriend speak with any former girlfriend.  She repeated, "It's too dangerous," over and over.  It was really off-putting.  Even after I said that Alana and I were just friends at this point, Emma repeated, "It's too dangerous," and asked me how far I had gone with Alana.

"Um... sex?  We were together for over three years."

Emma looked ready to explode.  What else was she expecting?  Did she want me to say, "We kissed on the cheek once, because that's all her daddy allowed us to do"?

Emma said, "No, no, no, no, no.  That's got to stop."

I said, "Alana and I haven't been together for over five years.  Are you still in touch with any of the guys you've had sex with?"

Emma said, "None of your business.  And that's different, anyway.  I'm a girl."

I thought about pointing out the hypocrisy of her argument, but opted to not get sucked into the whirlpool.  I changed the subject.  "On your profile, you said that you're into skiing?"

She cut in, "Don't change the subject.  If you don't cut ties with Alana, then I don't want to go out with you."

At this point, my definition of "good date" had gone from, "having a good time with Emma" to "escaping Emma."

Then came the best line of all.  She asked, "Am I being unreasonable, here?"

I said.  "You're not.  You're right.  I'll cut ties with her.  I can see it from your perspective."

Once dinner was over, I made up some bull about having to leave because I had to go into work early the next morning.  Emma was all over that.  "You don't have to go," she pleaded, "Just an hour longer."

I'd rather put a bullet through my head, you crazy Internet psycho bitch.  Why did I waste all of this time getting to know you?  How come you weren't this crazy a week ago?  Or two weeks ago?  Or three?  If you felt justified in acting this way, then WHY NOT ACT THIS WAY FROM THE BEGINNING?

Politely but firmly, I ended the date, and I severed all communications with her shortly afterward.  Alana and I still talk, and I have regular sex.  Not with Alana, true, but most importantly, not with Emma.


  1. Well I think you handled that rather well.. err wait, what? Grow a pair man, the vibe was "you deal with her rules, or you go", when clearly the vibe should have been "you agree to be normal Alana, or you go". Then you lied yourself out of the date and broke off contact instead of telling her what was wrong..

    Don't get me wrong, the girl was out of line. But you handled it like a 13 year old boy.

  2. Agreed. She asked if she was out of line, and that was your chance to say that you felt she was. You two differed over this crucial aspect of a relationship--the ability to maintain and choose your own friendships--and she needed to know that most people (not just men, but *people*) would consider that to be possessive, controlling, and paranoid.

    Also, if you planned on never speaking to her again, you could have told her before severing communication WHY you were doing so. She's got to learn, or she's going to pop up a lot more on this site.

  3. Teh "crazy" will always rear its ugly head at some point, guy or girl. The first date. Two weeks. 6 months, etc etc.

    Consider yourself lucky that it didn't take you two years to figure it out.

    On the other hand, you could have given her the exclusivity she wanted, got some insane crazy sex, then gone on your way. Worst thing that could have happened is that she could have gone all stabby on you, or chopped off your wang or something. Then you wouldn't have to worry about dating anyone crazy anymore, anyway.

  4. One bad apple doesn't spoil the whole bunch. I went out on dates with two girls I met via an internet dating site and those two didn't work. I've been with the third girl that I met for about 10 months now.

    Just because the first one was bad doesn't mean they all are. If you meet a girl out in the real world one time and it doesn't work, will you then also swear off trying to meet women in the real world too?

  5. I have to agree with the first two posters - Emma was very wrong in asking you to cut off ties with a friend, but you handled the situation so badly. She asked you straight out if she was being unreasonable. Way to be a douche and lie to her face.

    There are two ways that you should have handled this: Either call her out on her hypocrisy and stand up for yourself, or agree to disagree and end the relationship honestly. But lying to her and slinking out is such a cowardly move.

  6. Emma seemed kinda crazy and the conversation was irrational as it was. I think calling her out would have done nothing but cause a scene. It may have not been the best response, but I think he handled it well. Why bother starting a fight with someone you don't want to see ever again.

  7. I agree. Calling her out would probably have created a scene. Sometimes it is better to slip away gracefully. She already proved herself to be a controlling and insecure nutcase. It is best to back away carefully from people like that since just about anything can set them off. I think the OP handled this well.

  8. I agree with 12:27 and 12:37. She was a nutcase and who knows what kind of a scene she would have made in a public place.

  9. Weeder, I would guess whatever scene she decided to create would have ended up on the evening news! Crazy people like that don't act rationally when confronted. The OP made a wise move.

  10. I completely disagree with the last 4 posters. I think you pussed out, and I think these 4 above me are also cowards. Man up and try being honest for once.

  11. Oh for God's sake. It isn't the OP's duty to help any psycho become un-so.

    His job is to find a mate, then possibly procreate. And he should do so without being stabbed to death by a controlling nutjob who is pissed off because he told her the truth.

  12. Paul, it may not be the OP's job to become this girl's therapist, but it IS his job to act respectfully towards women. He lied to her about his intentions, lied to her about his beliefs, and snuck out of the situation without ever giving her a reason why she was rejected. In my book, that right there is the definition of a complete jerk.

  13. And yet another psycho can continue to go about life completely vindicated.

  14. Zachary didn't puss out. He deliberately pretended to this girl that her behavior was fine and that everything was ok and even continued the relationship for a short time after the date with the same pretense. Why? To upset and confuse her as much as possible. Whatever this girl might be, Zach's a malevolent, gutless passive-aggressive, no question about it.

  15. Wow there are a lot of whiny little girls here. He did the right thing. He got away from an unstable and clingy girl without creating a scene. She was so nuts that she could potentially have become violent. He didn't owe her anything. She deserved to be tossed away like trash because that's what she was. I hope she cleaned up her act because not many people will put up with a girl like that. People criticising the OP probably act like she does and that hit a nerve.

  16. The OP didn't owe this girl anything. She didn't need to hear the truth because he decided that he didn't want to be with a girl with low self-esteem and other emotional baggage. Telling her the truth would have done nothing but wasted both of their time because the outcome would be the same, no subsequent date.

  17. Just because he takes her out once doesn't mean he's obliged to hold up a mirror for her to see herself. He kept her calm, finished his food, and will leave her lessons of life to fate.

  18. I think old girl was within her rights to tell him up front there would be no playing around with former girlfriends if he wanted to date her. Sounds like a decent request she wanted to clear up before considering any further involvement.

  19. why are you still pursuing a relationship with somneone who obviously chose someone else over you? your self esteem must be at basement level.

  20. I completely disagree with all those who are slamming Zachary for handling the situation badly. I actually think he handled it rather well.

    Please, when Emma asked if she was being unreasonable, it was more of a rhetorical question. That much is clear by what she had said clearly. She didn't want an honest answer, she just wanted confirmation that she's an ice queen who's always right. If he didn't agree with her, then she would have definitely argued with him.

    Excellent job Zachary for the way you handled it, even if you did lie. And booo to all the commenters who criticized you!

  21. I'm not seeing any misbehavior on the OPs part. He had two choices - tell her she is unreasonable and make a scene, or get out of there with minimal collateral damage. He did the latter.

    Look. She made herself the psycho. She can undo it. He really doesn't owe it to her, and I don't think she would have taken the constructive criticism too well.

  22. obviously 11:34 is Zachary's mother.

  23. So, how long have you been stalking this Alana girl?

  24. Personally, I would have said goodbye when the blatant double standard came up.


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