Stupid Human Tricks

Submitted by Dana:

Ian sure pulled out all the stops on our first date.  He made me a mix CD, brought me flowers, and even sang to me from outside my window.  He was funny, and really poured the charm on.  A little dorky?  Sure, but I didn't think of that as a bad thing.

At dinner, he told me that he could do a fun trick with his nose.  He held one nostril shut, and made a booger bubble out of his other nostril.  A bit gross, to be sure, but he must have miscalculated the force at which he blew, because a second later, a gob of mucus exploded out of his nose and whacked against the dinner table.

"Oh shit," he said, gathering up the mess, "I'm sorry."

It was okay, until he tried it again, this time with his other nostril.  This time, no bubble came out, but mucus dribbled down to his lip.

"You can stop," I told him, "I'm thoroughly... impressed."

He asked me if I could do any silly human tricks, and I told him that I was extra-bendy.  He followed that up with, "I bet you're great in the sack."

I said, "That's not why I brought it up."  And it really wasn't.

He rolled his eyes and said, "Sure, sure," then tried the mucus bubble bit once more.

Thank goodness the waiter came at that moment.  Ian spent the rest of the date talking about how bendy his prior bunkmates had been, but I wasn't paying much attention anymore.

We split the check at the end, and that was the end of that.


  1. wow, this guy has no idea of social etiquette in the slightest!

  2. I just puked in my mouth. Ew.

  3. Gross, but a solid "meh."

  4. Ewwwwww. What a dork he is. Was he raised by hippies in a barn?

  5. So those bubbles don't work? Interesting.

  6. so let me get this straight. if i blow bubbles out of my nose the girl will pay half the check?

    thanks for the info!

  7. SNOT funny!

  8. I see what you did there Anon 2:51..

  9. "I told him that I was extra-bendy."

    Would be way classier if you just kept this info to yourself and saved it for when you actually get in the sack. You might as well have been blowing mucus on the table as well.

    Stay classy, and if you run across this guy again, then date him. You sound perfect for one another.

  10. Anonymous 9:12 doesn't sound perfect for anyone.


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