Apparently, You Don't Do "Social Skills" Either

Submitted by Shannon:

I met Jacob on an Internet dating site and we exchanged a few e-mails over a ten day period. We seemed to have a lot in common, so we arranged a lunch date.
Things started out well. He didn't look much like his picture, but he wasn't horrible looking, plus he brought me flowers and seemed nice and polite. He lived only a few miles away from me and had a good job, so I really wanted to like this guy.
Things quickly went downhill. He spent the first half hour going on and on about how much he loved Cirque du Soleil. Then, he informed me that he didn't drink at all, not one drink. In fact, he didn't "do" bars or parties. This apparently was so important to him that he repeated it at every awkward pause in conversation, "I don't do bars and I don't do parties."  I felt like saying, "I heard you the first fifteen times," but bit my tongue.
At one point, I shared that I was a fan of a local band that sometimes played at a bar down the street and he interjected, "Nope. I don't do bars." Really? I then mentioned that I'd also seen them play at a festival.
He responded,"That sounds like a party, and I don't do parties. I'll take you to a few country shows instead."
Next he brought up that he'd seen a previous personal ad that I'd posted.  "Just to give you some feedback," he said (who did he think he was?), "The fact that you talked about enjoying exercise really put me off.  You might consider not mentioning that in the future personals you post."
I was kind of shocked and didn't know how to respond. Don't most men like it when women work out and take care of their bodies? I told him that I had recently lost a lot of weight and it was important to me that I keep this weight off. He looked me up and down, made a face, and shook his head.
Then came the crowning moment of the date. He looked straight into my eyes and said, "I really enjoy living with my mother, and I don't intend on changing that. Ever."
He tried to pin me down for another date before we even left the restaurant and e-mailed me an hour or two later asking me out again. I thought about it, but he really seemed controlling. Plus he kept trying to find out where I lived, wanting to follow me home after the first date (since the weather was bad) and wanting to pick me up for the second date, and that sort of creeped me out. I didn't even know this guy's last name yet, so I politely turned him down over e-mail.
I received no response to my e-mail, but a few days later I got an extremely weird call at my job. It was Jacob. I had given him a brief rundown of my job, and he'd gotten the impression that I worked with customers. I don't, so when he called me trying to pretend he was one of my customers, I called him on it.  I don't know why he did that, but it just reinforced the fact that he was a nut. I feel like I dodged a bullet.


  1. " he had a good job, so I really wanted to like this guy". I pretty much stopped reading at this point.

  2. It's probably a good thing that he likes living with mom so much.
    As for her saying it was good he had a nice job, don't be so harsh. I'm a woman and I have a good job and it was tough to find a man with the same ambitions and interests as me. There are a lot of overgrown little boys out there. Just because she said that doesn't mean she has bad motives. She probably just wants someone she can relate to and not have to talk down to or support financially.

  3. The part that shocked me is that the OP thought about having another date with him.

  4. @11:17

    Not all women are looking for a man to take care of them. But that doesn't mean they want a man to take care of. Some people want an equal relationship.

  5. Its not like she said "he seemed to have a lot of money"

    when I see a guy who doesn't have at least a decent job, its a turn off, it usually means he lacks motivation and an education...

  6. "The fact that you talked about enjoying exercise really put me off. You might consider not mentioning that in the future personals you post."

    But why would you need to post any future personals after you'd met this guy?

    "I really enjoy living with my mother, and I don't intend on changing that. Ever."

    I was sure at this point that he didn't like you and was saying that to get rid of you, but based on the rest of it, I guess he was just crazy.

  7. 11:17 is obviously an ass. There's a difference between trying to find someone with money and finding someone with a stable career.

    And you're just lucky this guy didn't bring mother out on the date with him. Then again, she could have at least scolded him for his various rude remarks.

  8. @Jonathan: I feel like a woman who could raise a kid that turned out like this guy probably doesn't think any woman is good enough for "her little angel," and probably would have been as critical as he was.

    "Dearie, I took the liberty of printing out your personal ad and writing in some constructive criticisms and critiques. Let's take a few moments to go over what you'll need to change if you're going to be allowed to date my son and the reasons why you're still single at your age."

  9. @anon 11:17

    I'm a woman who for a long time had a really good job in emergency medicine. All full of the lifesaving and whatnot. A few years back I dated a guy that I really liked and who really liked me. After a couple of months he broke it off because he felt like a guy like him with his job of fixing gas pumps just wasn't good enough to date a professional with her own mortgage. Now mind, I didn't give a flying fuck what he did for work. He was the most fun person I'd ever hung out with and he totally rocked. But for him, his lack of a 'good job' was a big issue.

    So yeah, sometimes the job does matter, and not for the reasons you think.

  10. maybe his mother is really really hot and gives good head?

  11. Kwame, I agree with you. She thought about amother date. Oops I mean, another date. :-)


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