Some Men Just Aren't Made for Frisbee

Submitted by Lesley:

I met Peter through a friend at a party at a gay bar. I was impressed at his comfort level in a gay bar and his directness so even though I wasn't that into him, I wanted to give him a chance.

We met up at a bar and started talking and getting to know each other over a drink and dinner. He said that he had a black belt in Karate and I asked how long he'd been studying martial arts. He said he'd been doing it since he was a kid because he used to get into trouble living in a small town.

I responded "Yeah, so many kids get in a bit of trouble with alcohol or recreational drugs in the middle of nowhere."

He looked seriously into my eyes and said, "No, not that kind of trouble. I got involved with gangs."

That really freaked me out and was too much information for a first date so we switched to general sports and I mentioned that I played ultimate Frisbee. He seemed impressed and I was talking about the various throws I could do. He asked about the "flick" throw so I put my arm onto the table and showed him the throwing motion I would make. He then attempted it himself, and in the process flicked my drink, spilling it all over me.

He kept apologizing as I wiped the drink off my jeans and the rest of the date went okay, but I stopped having any interest in him.

I'm usually prepared to split the bill with someone, but as he spilled the drink on me, I would like to think that he’d offer to pay the whole tab. When the tab came, my share was $15. I reached into my purse, expecting him to tell me that it was on him, but he didn’t say anything. I only had $10, so I said that I’d put my part on my credit card. He  smiled and said, “I'll pay for the $5 drink that I spilled on you.”

When he walked me to my door and said we should go out to the park on our next date so I could teach him the flick I just smiled and nodded. I never responded to the text he sent me the week after.


  1. I gotta vote for the guy in this case. You are way too self-centered, Princess Lesley.

  2. yeah, it's not like he spilled the drink on purpose and he did apologize.

    If I were out with him, I would have been more focused on whether he was a nice guy rather than the spilled drink.

  3. I get that the gang thing may have been a little uncomfortable but deciding he sucks as a date because he accidently spilt drink on your jeans? Firstly they are not silk, so therefore not ruined. Second you were the one showing him throwing moves at a table. Also you sound like you were not prepared to pay at all. You only had $10 in your purse. You're the bad date, not him!

  4. It's always good to get some variety on this site. I was getting tired of posters who had no fault in the bad date

  5. How was this a bad date? It was a normal date that was ruined by your poor attitude and a general lack of chemistry. Oh gosh, he accidentally spilled a drink, profusely apologized for it and then eventually paid for it? Shucks, what a terrible experience. Maybe after years of expensive therapy you'll recover. Do you think you can con him into paying for that too?

  6. So having a polite guy that's interested in your hobbies and will apologise is a bad date? The gang thing was a bit upfront, but he's honest and not trying to hide his past.

    HE dodged a bullet with you.

  7. I would like to hear this same story from the guys point of view! And what's with the passive-agressive b/s? You reached in your purse waiting for him to stop you, and got mad when he didn't? How the hell is the guy supposed to know what you're thinking if you don't tell him?

  8. Heheh! I knew this this poster was going to get a whuppin' in the comments. She lost "interest" when he accidentally spilled the drink and apologized? Superficiality reigns in her brain.

  9. Hi all the Anonymouses out there!

    I posted this story because it was basically a bleah date on both sides. I also didn't make any exaggerations to make it sound like I was perfect. I was just talking about a date that wasn't great. I'm sure Peter wasn't in love with me either.

    Also, the website editor had changed my submission slightly. I had originally said "the rest of the date went ok but I just didn’t have any interest in him." and he changed it to "the rest of the date went ok but I stopped having any interest in him."

    The gang thing is really what made me wary and while this wasn't in the story, he had also regaled a story of how he'd gotten into a fight with 2 other guys and gotten a concussions and couldn't remember anything after. Those were the things that made me really lose interest, as I go for quiet nerdy types, not fighters with gang associations. The spilled drink was just the tipping point. :)

    Oh and I could be wrong but saying "You should pay for my dinner since you spilled a drink on me" would probably not have made the date any more enjoyable for him.

    I also often pay for my part of a tab with credit cards, as every restaurant I've gone to is fine splitting bills, so I never worry about how much cash I have with me.

    But fair comments folks! Good to see other perspectives!

    Good luck out there in the dating world!

  10. i still hate you

  11. You admit in the beginning that were weren't into him. Why even bother going on the date if that was how you felt?

    It was doomed from the beginning.

  12. haha this is so funny...but i agree with all the comments, or you just wrote the story very poorly

  13. Lesley needs help.

  14. So you couldn't even bother to return his text message to tell him you weren't interested? Even if it was just a "blah" date on all sides, he was polite, if maybe a bit upfront, nice and he deserved at least a message from you that you weren't interested.

    And I don't think him spilling your drink means he should have to pay for your meal. Most first dates are ones where you split the bill, and it gets harder for guys to walk that line between offending you by paying for the whole thing, or offending you by not paying. He probably figured you payed because you wanted to.

    Even with your explanation, you're the bad guy in all this, and I hope your attitude has improved significantly.

    Don't ruin good guys for the rest of us.

  15. I think you harshly judged him. It was a mistake after all. Just because someone spills a drink on you, you expect monetary compensation? Wayyyy shallow, girlfriend. Get over yourself.

  16. Spill a drink != pay for meal.


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