Published. And Certifiable.

Submitted by Donna:

Before we met, Roy worried me a little. He seemed to have some wacky ideas about the way that things worked in society.

He claimed that the banks were controlled by Islamic interests, that Hollywood was really run by the government to keep the masses placated, and that George W. Bush was secretly a Democrat. Aside from these occasional musings, he seemed really nice and had a steady job (he was an audio tech and worked on commercials).

Well, fast-forward to our date, and he showed up with a small stack of books that he wanted me to read. Titles like, It's Not Paranoia, Thoughtcrime Your Way to Freedom, and The Devil Wears Red, White, and Blue.

When I took them in my hands, I couldn't help noticing that he was the author. Of all of them.

"That's right, I'm published," he said, and told me that I could read them.

I carried them inside the place we were meeting for lunch. When we sat down, I made the decision to talk to him about anything other than conspiracy theories, and began by asking him if he played any sports.

He replied by telling me that I should start reading from his volumes without delay, and that he would wait as I read, even offering to answer any questions that I might have as I went along.  How nice!

I asked him if it was okay if I read them later on, at home. He said that he had to take them back, after the date, as he couldn't risk them being lost or ending up in the wrong hands.

I said that I'd rather not read them, and he took them back, begrudgingly.  The rest of the date was quiet and awkward, and I brought it to an early close.


  1. You dated a tea partier! Congratulate yourself for this rare privilege and maybe advise him to stop watching Fox News and listening to talk radio for a while.

  2. That's not a tea partier. That's a case of good old fashion nutjob.

    You should've asked him abotu 9/11 and Area 51.

  3. I could not find those books on amazon, LIAR!

  4. Maybe JMG changed the titles slightly to protect identities?

  5. they are probably self-published, or small press. not all books are on amazon.

  6. Can't find them listed in the Library of Congress either...

  7. Any wacko with a Kinkos in walking distance can consider themselves published.

  8. I hate dating writers that insist you read their work on the first date, in front of them. If I'm interested in your writing, I'll ask to read it; thanks.

  9. That is some major league ignorance Churro. Stop watching MSNBC and look around at the rest of the world before you start denouncing something you obviously no knowthing about.

  10. I'd actually be interested to know if JMG changed the titles.

    That said, vanity press publications are almost impossible to find online, unless the author is hawking them from a website.

  11. I didn't switch the titles. My hunch is he's self-published.

  12. @anon 9:57

    "That is some major league ignorance Churro."

    I would say that is ignorant, anon 9:57.

    Isn't Fox the network that still insists Iraq was behind 9/11? Now that is ignorant. Now go back to watching Bill O'Reilly so you will learn that Bill Clinton caused the earthquakes in Haiti. Or is it blamed on Obama? Just who are you guys blaming things on now anyway?

  13. I think that he was quiet for the rest of the date because he knew you were one of THEM.

  14. Thanks, JMG! Appreciate it!

  15. Surely she shouldn't have been surprised the date didn't go well when she knew he wasn't exactly sane?

  16. What a nutjob. Everyone knows the 12 richest banking families of Europe run our central banks, and that Bush is secretly a shape-shifting reptiloid from planet Nibiru.

  17. "Thoughtcrime Your Way to Freedom" is one of the most original titles I have ever heard. I think I'll use it myself.


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