"He Took Me Out Behind a Shack with an Axe"

Submitted by Elaine:

Trevor said that he had a clever idea for our date: we would chop wood together.  It sounded a little insane, but he was adorable and really seemed earnest about the idea, so I figured that I'd give it a shot.

I met up with him and he took me out behind a shack with an axe.  He positioned a log on a stump and struck at it.  It split and then he put a fresh log up on the stump and handed me the axe.

I hoisted it and swung, splitting it pretty well for a first timer, I'd say.

He took the axe and told me that I was doing it all wrong.  He set up another log and tried it himself, missing the first time and cursing.  He split this next log and then demonstrated on another one.  He then handed me the axe once more.

I hoisted and swung, again making a neat split in the log.  He grabbed the axe from me and asked me if I paid any attention to what he had demonstrated.

"Uh yes," I said, "You hoist the axe and swing down.  There's no real art to it."

"No!" he scolded, and set up another log for himself.  Then another.  Then another.  Then another.  I began wondering if he remembered that I was there, and the fun/novelty factor was dimming.

Finally, he handed me the axe again and set up a log.  I hoisted, swung, and missed.

He laughed.  "See?  You're doing it wrong!"

I whirled to him and said, "I missed one out of three times!  How many times have you missed today?"

He didn't like that.  He took the axe, hoisted it above the log, and swung, missing it!  He then kept at it, faster and faster and faster!  Finally, he kicked the log away and hacked at the stump like a madman.

Terrified, I ran back to my car and took off.  I half-expected to see him in my rearview, chasing me down with the axe!


  1. A guy had a clever idea for our date. He said I should get in the trunk of his car, tied up, and he'd drive me to an undisclosed location. It sounded a little insane, but he was adorable and really seemed earnest about the idea, so I figured that I'd give it a shot.

  2. How did that work out for ya Anon 9:09 ?

  3. This sounds quite imaginary.

  4. Also sounds a whole lot like another story on this very site...

  5. hey anon 10:08:


  6. hey anon 11:33:


  7. Thanks Anon 12:24
    - Anon, 10:08

  8. Whooooooooooooooooohahahahahahahahahahahaha oh man. I don't even care if this is fake. It's hilarious.

  9. So I Dated an Axe Murderer...

  10. How is this not your fault? If you only CHOPPED THE DAMN WOOD RIGHT, HOW I TOLD YOU!!!! ARGGGHHHH *slash slash chop chop*..........

  11. your style of writing makes me believe that women can be funny

  12. No we can't, Anon 12:10, don't let Elaine fool you.

  13. he kept whacking his log faster and faster? I beat my monkey, you want it deeper?

  14. You like working for a date? Come on out, I want to plant some corn hole.

  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

  16. Seriously?
    You've just made me very very sad.
    You showed up to a first date KNOWING that the guy was going to be swinging an AXE around.
    I'm a chick and I think that you've made us ALL look like idiots.
    You've officially taken Women's Suffrage back to the 1900's.
    F You. Even if this is fake... F You.


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