A Few Cubes Short of a Full Glass

Submitted by Andrew:

Tracy had very obviously been burned by some past relationships, as she was the single biggest bitch I've ever had the displeasure to date.  I picked out a restaurant and we agreed to meet there.

She was already sitting down in the restaurant before I made it inside.  The first thing she did was check her watch, then she asked me if I smelled something funny.   I didn't, but she kept repeating, over and over, "Something smells funny.  Since I got here, I've had a strange aroma in my nose."  Then she introduced herself.

She made faces the entire time as if she was surrounded by noxious fumes.  She yelled at the waiter for putting too much ice in her water, she yelled at me for not being man enough to tell the waiter that there was too much ice in my own drink.  So what's a little OCD among friends?

That wasn't it, though, she asked me, point blank, how many times I'd had sex.  She didn't seem interested for playful curiosity's sake.  That I could understand.  She seemed totally serious, with some sort of black, harpy-esque purpose.

I tried to evade the question, but she countered with, "You can cut the bullshit.  I know that every guy keeps a tally.  What's yours?"

I told her, and she said, "That many?"

I couldn't tell if that was more or fewer than she was expecting, but I honestly didn't care.  I shrugged, and then she didn't talk to me for five minutes.

At the end of those five minutes, she asked me, "Now out of all of those, how many times were sex with girls?"

I told her that the number I quoted was 100% women.  She snorted into her water, which now seemed to have the correct amount of ice cubes.  I didn't like the way she kept looking at me, as if she was calculating something.

She asked me again if I smelled something awful, and I told her that I didn't.  She then accused me of being the smelly one, but she had said that she thought something smelled weird since she got there, and I reminded her of that.

"Oh yeah," she said, sounding disappointed.

Towards the end of dinner, she checked her watch and said, "You know, I canceled another date for you."

I didn't know what to say, so I thanked her.  She said, "Whatever.  Neither of you were probably worth it."

What the hell am I supposed to say to that?  I raised my water glass as if to toast her, because I couldn't think of anything else to do.

She said, "Eew!  You don't toast with water!  What the hell are you thinking?  You really are a moron."

I smiled.  I couldn't help it.

She continued, "No, you really are.  I could be at home by myself, having a great time, but instead I'm here, trying to have a nice time with you."

Oh man oh man oh man... what an opening.  Yes, I know you'll all hate me for it, but I had to.  I had to.

I said, "I have no doubt that you'd be having a great time.  At home.  By yourself."

She said, "You're so immature.  Just pay the check and let's cut our losses, okay?"

Jesus, what a bitch.


  1. How the hell did you get together with THAT one?!

  2. I wouldnt have paid the check for her, thats for sure!

  3. It's inconceivable that you put up with it as long as you did. I got angry just reading about it. Why didn't you tell her off and walk the hell out?

  4. Dude, you must be really desperate to sit through an evening like this and take all that abuse.

  5. @10:19 : Maybe the food he was having was really good.

  6. I've sat through many a-tortorous dates and situations just to get a good story to tell. Just have to have a good sense of humor about it, which this guy seems to have. Good show.

  7. Woah. Psycho.

  8. So come on, what's the number?

    And do most guys really keep a tally? I lost count a while back, but it's a pretty big number (still in double digits, i think), so I usually just lie and say it's something pretty low.

  9. Was it really about the "number of times he had sex", or rather the number of women he had sex with?

    I mean, who knows the number of times, unless you've never been in any serious relationship for more than a couple months, or only had a handful of concubines?

  10. Let's have a poll....My number is 41. I am male

  11. are we talking "number of times" or "number of partners"?

    my times / partners is approaching infinity (countles times / low number of partners)

    Such a tragedy - if only the denominator was higher.

  12. Who on earth knows the number of times they've had sex? Knowing the number of people is absolutely justifiable, but how many times? In that case, either the number is incredibly low or you're a creeper who keeps track of sexual conquests only to increase a tally.

    Other than that, this woman was obviously a psycho bitch, and I doubt any one would get mad at the author for his final comments to her. Well done.

  13. +1 Julia

    Most guys know who they've slept with and can therefore calculate some sort of tally of the number of partners...

    But the number of times would be like trying to recount the number of times one has had loose stools or the number of times you had eaten thai food.

    Tracy sounds like an oxygen theif.

  14. This girl seemed to be in a foul mood prior to him arriving. (Assuming blind date) What made matters worse is he didn't pass the physical attraction test with this girl (she obviously didn't like what she saw).

    This guy stayed for a thorough beating and then some, get some self-respect.

    In this case the reason she asked him about sex was to inflict discomfort.

  15. That's not fair for anyone to judge what your number is! I don't think anyone needs to know. That is your own business. Roaster--you are precious. Oxygen thief is awesome. Sounds like something my father would say. Julia--you are awesome. No one knows! If they keep track it is because they are self-conscious. Personally, I lost track after one.

  16. How many times you've had sex, or how many partners??

    In other news, learn to just gtfo when a girl acts like this. okthxbye.

  17. It was another stupid game - you were supposed to stick to your guns and say, "Really, I don't. And I think it's rushing it to talk about our sex lives." That's what she wanted, no matter how psycho she was acting. The minute you gave in and told her you had a tally, you gave her the power to judge you in her twisted state of mind.

    I'd say you were lucky to escape her.

  18. Typical actions from a chick with a stanky cooch. Always trying to pass it off on others.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.