Submitted by Carol:
Casey and I had been dating for a few weeks when the exclusivity talk came up. I really liked him and he really appeared to like me.
Now, I had a few platonic guy friends- James, Liam, Peter - who I would hang out with fairly regularly. Again, these were just friends. Sometimes, when Casey would ask me what I had been up to, and I had hung out with one of them, I would tell him. You know, honesty and all that.
So when Casey and I sat down to talk about bringing the relationship to the next level, he brought them up: "What about your guy friends? James, Liam, Peter...?"
"What about them?"
"Well, if we're going exclusive then... you know."
"What are you talking about?"
"You're going to have to hang out with them less. If at all."
Possessive guy alert! I tried telling Casey that they were just friends, and then pulled out the examples of his own female friends. Would he be saying goodbye to them as well?
"Probably," he said.
"Really? You'd just cast their friendships aside?"
"For you? Of course. You're worth more to me than that."
"You have a weird definition of friendship. And what if one day you meet someone who's worth more to you than me? Could I expect the same treatment?"
We didn't end up going exclusive, and for that, I'm glad. He's actually married now, and I sometimes wonder if his current wife give up her friends for him. I hope not.
James, Liam & Peter are still friends, then? Or have they all gotten girlfriends that hate your guts and made them dump your friedship? Or maybe they're friends w/benefits? Hot!
ReplyDeleteI think he does have a point........
ReplyDeleteNot a date. Plus, this is pretty normal stuff, there are tons of people that are overly posessive.. not really worth a post.
ReplyDeleteI agree it's not worth a post since it's not a date, but it's totally possible for girls and guys to have friends of the opposite sex and still be exclusive to their boyfriend/girlfriend.
ReplyDelete"the exclusivity talk"? This is a regular point of discussion these days?
ReplyDeleteY'all young people are way too modern for me. Back in my day threesomes were only something we read about in books and exclusivity was a grudgingly accepted given.
I am fully jealous.
You say he is married now,perhaps thats what he wanted: an adult, and exclusive relationship, which it seems to me you are not ready for. So perhaps each made the best decision
ReplyDeleteHow in the hell does wanting to keep your opposite-sex friends make you not an adult? How does wanting FRIENDS make you not ready for an exclusive relationship? It's not like she's out dating or fucking them if they're only her friends.
ReplyDeletedo you people know the meaning of platonic? she wasnt sexually involved with the other guys. just friends. the guy wanted her to lose her friends for their relationship.
ReplyDeleteI've never understood how people are willign to walk away from good friends over something like this. Then what happens when that relationship ends? You're stuck alone because you ditched all your friends.
ReplyDeleteA friend is a friend, not something disposable
Sure, "platonic" is when a female doesn't want to fuck her male friend who, if offered, would jump her bones in a heartbeat.
ReplyDeletePlatonic.
the opposite sex is for dating, once you choose, you cast aside the rest, as they are undesirable mates. even cave men knew that, why does this generation think they don't have to follow tradition.
ReplyDeletehe is married, you are still single. he wins.
ReplyDeleteon the one hand, I get that you don
ReplyDeletet want to give up your friends, because, what if something happens to your relationship, and you abandoned all your friends??
but on the other hand, why do you need to hang out with other guys? I can kind of put myself in the same boat, I am a girl, that's pretty nerdy and tomboy-ish, I get a long better with guys than I do girls, actually, I can count on one hand how many good girlfriends I have, but when I got married, I starting hanging out with my guy friends a lot less. I work, and go to school full time, my husband works the equivelant of two full-time jobs and goes to school part-time, why would we want to spend the precious little time we have with other people??
I can't believe you guys (i mean Americans, being European myself) sit down and discuss "exclusivity" like this is some sort of a commercial contract??!!! And this is apparently quite a common practice.
ReplyDeleteCome to think of it, I have never been on a "date" in the sense that is described in this site. However, I have been very much in love several times and living happily with my partner for 7 years now. Expecting a baby.
Maybe cutting down the "exclusivity" and the "rules of dating" will help you find the real thing?
LMAO Anon 2:12
ReplyDelete