Submitted by Jamie:
I had met Peter online and after a bit of chatting, we decided to meet up at a dance club for a bit of dancing and drinking beers. It was a fun time and I really liked it, and him. We decided to get some air since we were both sweaty from dancing and went to the outdoor patio area to chat. I knew he had lived in California for a bit, so decided to ask him about his time there.
"What did you work on in California?"
He said, "Well I edited some movies."
"Oh that sounds exciting, anything I would have seen?"
"Probably not... unless you watch a lot of adult movies."
I said, "Hmm, on occasion, but not with any consistency, mostly just if my friends send me something funny. Did you enjoy it?" At this point, I was a bit concerned, but not overly so, as I actually have a friend who used to do some of this work.
"Yeah it was really fun to be on set. Actually you may have seen me then. On occasion, I filled in as a stunt man for when the guy got tired and they need close up shots."
"...You've been in adult movies?"
"A few."
"Okay... I think that might be a deal breaker for me."
Why, would that be deal breaker??????
ReplyDeleteThats pretty weak. You liked the guy had a fun time with him, knew people who did that kind of work. But you didnt want to date him, because ocasionally for close ups, they used his dick in the shot. Don't be such a prude, like someones gonan see it and recongize his dick. O THE STIGMA!
ReplyDeleteI agree. If he's clean and he doesn't do that work anymore, there's really no need to be judgy. Then again, who am I to criticize your preference in men? Send him to a better woman who won't care about what he used to do and is thankful for any tips he may have picked up out in California.
ReplyDeletePS: This isn't an awkward date, except maybe for him. It's just a date that makes you look lame. :p
ORGAZMO!
ReplyDeleteChances are he is cleaner than most guys. The Adult Industry Medical Health Care Foundation tests pornographic actors for STDs on a monthly basis.
ReplyDeleteCome on guys, I think her reaction has a lot more to do with the adultery issue, which makes her reaction more legitimate in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteIt's not only a matter of accepting what he does for a living or being prude, but the fact it involves his dick and other women. Is he gonna do it again if he gets the chance? Fair question, for a girlfriend.
I'm calling "FAKE" comment used by him to scare you off and clearly it worked.
ReplyDeleteI disagree with the anonymous commenter two up from me. What "adultery" issue could there be? First of all, you cannot commit "adultery" unless you're married, and if this relationship progressed to that point without any firm boundaries and guidelines being set about his work in the adult film industry, then the relationship was destined to fail. Secondly, when he was working in the adult industry, he mainly edited the films with only occasional "stunt work." The OP doesn't mention whether or not the guy said that he was in a relationship at the time and if he was, whether or not he told his then-girlfriend about it or if he had her approval or not.
ReplyDeleteIf the OP had a problem with his stunt work--which it's obvious she does--but decided to go ahead with this relationship anyway, the now-boyfriend at least knows how she feels about it, and hopefully if he is the good person she originally took him to be, he won't "cheat" on her by having sex (which I'm tempted to put in quotes) with someone for an adult movie. And if he does "cheat" on her...then she can dump him or find an alternative way to fix the relationship.
I still maintain that she is allowed to have the opinion that his work in the adult film industry is a personal deal-breaker for her, although it might not be for me. However, this doesn't sound like a "bad date" for her, as she had been having a good time until he was honest with her about his *previous* employment. It's more of a bad date for him, because he had been having fun with someone until she slammed the door shut on even continuing the date because of his past. I wonder if it happens to him a lot?
Adultery-concerned Anon: Because work is totally the same as going off and having sex with other people for fun and games amirite.
ReplyDeleteAdultery-concerned Anon here.
ReplyDeleteSorry, maybe I wasn't making myself clear enough and chose my words badly (I'm not an English speaker). The "adultery" word being one.
Now, just ask your girlfriends if they would be cool with you showing your dick to other women. And don't believe any girl who'd answer "Yeah, I'd be cool with that".
And then right after, ask yourself if you'd be cool with your girlfriend showing her naked body to other men.
If you answer yes, you're either :
1. A teen
2. Not ready for a serious relationship
3. Lying to yourself.
The girl's concerns are totally legitimate.
Now, I agree she could have asked first if it's the guy's intention to renew the experience.
Sorry, not everyone thinks the same as you do. I'm in a long-term serious relationship, and I assure you that I'm not fazed if my partner shows herself off to other men, nor is she if I do likewise.
DeleteI believe that it would be a deal-breaker for you, and for others, but it's narrow-minded and disrespectful to say "if you don't agree with me you're either lying or immature."
This website is for Bad Dates! This is not a bad date. And for your info, I wouldn't mind if my girl showed her stuff off as part of her job and I'm not any of those things you listed.
ReplyDeleteAdultery-Anon:
ReplyDeleteThere are plenty of people in the world who would not mind if their significant other ("s.o.") was naked in front of someone other than them or even had sex with someone other than them. There are swingers (a couple has sex with other couples), cuckolds (one person gets off on their mate having sex with another person, often in front of them), adult film actors who date others inside and outside of the industry, and many more sexual "deviants" (as you may consider them) who have a different view of sex than you do. Read a "Savage Love" column for more information.
These people are not "immature" or "unready to have a serious relationship" or "lying to themselves." They have a different (no less healthy) view of sex and sexuality than you do. Also, contrary to popular belief, monogamy is NOT the natural state of things. A quick Google search popped up this article: http://www.trinity.edu/rnadeau/fys/barash%20on%20monogamy.htm amongst many, many others. Humans have to CHOOSE to be monogamous, and frankly, some don't. Is that a dealbreaker for people like you and the OP? Yes. And that's fine. But I firmly believe that some day, the man mentioned in this date story will find a woman (or another guy, whatever) who doesn't mind that some people have seen his dick in movies and not known it. Maybe they'll even make a movie together. That's their business as adults. They don't need anonymous internet trolls judging them like God did in Eden. (Note: I may be a troll, but at least I sign my name.)
Nikki, I agree with most of what you wrote.
ReplyDeleteBut now you just got to admit that those behaviors are NOT mainstream. So you can't judge a "mainstream" girl's reaction towards something not mainstream.
As far as judging goes, may I remind the commenters here that they were first to judge the girl who posted her story. I was merely defending a legitimate reaction from the girl's part.
p.s. Please cut the crap about anonymity. "Nikki" doesn't mean anything, and your profile is blocked. So you're just as anonymous as I am.
he shoulda left it at "yeah, i've edited adult movies" and not said anything about the stunt cock business.
ReplyDeleteFrom the OP herself:
ReplyDeleteThe stunt cock work did not involve simply showing his dick, but also using it for scenes. Due to the nature of my profession, I have to err on the conservative side, unfortunately. I support people making whatever sexual decisions they want, but that includes my own, as well.
@Adultery Anony: Reading comprehension fail. The guy occasionally "filled in" as a stunt cock when he "worked" in porn and "lived" in California. All past tense. She's a prude.
ReplyDeleteI love when these "bad date" stories backfire and show how lame the poster was putting this story up.
ReplyDeleteThere's other websites for stories like this one.
Keep it moving.
I know this is an old post but I had to respond. After the OP's clarification about needing to err on the conservative side due to per profession, it makes sense. Say she was a teacher and they got married. I'm sure some parents would be completely offended and would question her morals just because her husband used to work in porn. I wouldn't care, heck, I'd be curious.
ReplyDelete