Candy is Dandy, But Liquor Is Quicker

Submitted by Nick:

I took Lauren out to a movie.  She ordered up the biggest bucket of popcorn and told me that we could split it.

Halfway through the movie, she had eaten the entire bucket herself.  When I told her that I thought we were splitting it, she said, "I don't know what's wrong with me today.  I'm just really hungry."

She then asked me to go and buy her a pack of Swedish Fish and a pack of Sno-Caps.  Lauren wasn't fat by any stretch, but this was alarming.  I left the theater and bought her a pack of Swedish Fish and a pack of Reese's Pieces, as they didn't seem to have Sno-Caps that day.

When I returned and handed her the candy, she hissed, "Where are my Sno-Caps?"

I told her that they didn't have them.  She threw the bag of Reese's on my lap and said, "You can eat these.  I don't want them."

I told her that I didn't want them either, and then she said, "Well, I'm not about to waste them.  You'll have to eat them or I will."

"Go ahead, then."

So she ate the Swedish Fish and Reese's and whispered the whole time things like, "I hate Reese's," and "Why did you have to buy Reese's?"

Towards the end of the film, she said, "I'm going to puke, and it's all because of your Reese's!"

I was going to puke too, but for a different reason.  I couldn't wait for this date to be over.


  1. She sounds delightful!

  2. Mmmmmm bipolar girls. They're always entertaining.

  3. She sounds bulimic

  4. her version probably says she was "almost raped" by you.

  5. Maybe she was pregnant. lol

  6. Hehe @ Anonymous4.

    1 question:
    If you were "upset" about splitting the popcorn, why didn't you eat any during the whole first half?

    2 mistakes:
    - don't buy shit for women to please them. I wouldn't have gotten her a snack if she asked me in that tone
    - you should have walked right out of the theater when that bitch started complaining about the reases.

  7. Do you always date fat pigs?

    Not that there's anything wrong with hoggin'.

  8. Hey, fat girls need love too...but they gotta pay! Giggity!

  9. i love reeses....

  10. LOL, Are you sure you didnt just have a case of shallow hal!!! That girl could eat, Ive never seen a guy or girl eat a whole tub of popcorn. Did you get her a drink too?

  11. I second the pregnant theory...

  12. Definately preggers. Only a pregnant woman eats that much and wants something so specific, then when they dont get it, snap out, and chow down anyway. And then want to puke. Reseese prolly did do it, but only because she was preggers.

    Should have told her to go get a preggo test.


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