You Can Take the Girl Out of College...

Submitted by Nicholas:

I had a feeling that my date with Andrea wouldn't go well after she asked me why I used punctuation and capitalization in my instant messages.  She seemed good at making conversation as long as it was all about her.  I'd tell her information about myself and she didn't seem curious at all about me beyond the superficial.

Maybe that was just how she came across online.


We sat down and she started talking about her crazy college life.  For a solid hour.  I mean, non-stop.  Did I mention that she had been out of college for six years?

Whenever I'd try to cut in, she would interrupt with something like, "...but at a party this one time, you're not going to believe it, but my roommate's friend's cousin actually hooked up with the captain of the soccer team!"

I tried to change the subject.  Really, I did.  I told her about what I do for a living, what I like to do for fun, and even, yes, a bit about my own college life.

She'd answer my attempts at conversation with, "Wow, that sounds fun," or something similarly perfunctory.

The real excitement, though, didn't begin until after dinner.  That's when she started accusing me of being a negative person and that I wouldn't be happy until I dragged everyone else down with my negativity.

I couldn't think of one example of me being negative from the entire night, and I told her so.  I asked her, front and center, "When have I been negative tonight?  Name one example."

She just said, "Just in general.  You seem really negative."

"Give me an example."

"See?  There you go!  Being negative again!"

I couldn't wait to never, ever speak to her again.


  1. I think that this girl will live to be 100, and that one day she'll realize that the happiest time in her life was a four-year stretch when she was 18-22, and then it will hit her that she has led a subsequently miserable life.

    Or maybe that's just negativity talking.

  2. You may use punctuation and capitalization very well, but you split your infinitive at the end of your story. That's a half a letter grade deduction.

  3. I agree. It's awful when you're on a date with a girl who won't shut up about herself.

    We should totally be talking about me.

  4. She's such a rationally thinking person. It's clear that she has had college education.


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