She Who Laughs Worst

Caitlin and I were out at a crowded pub in the city. I was lettin' the hijinks fly fast, and she was diggin' my groove.

I forgot precisely what I said, but all at once, she put her hand to her mouth, shut her eyes tight, and jerked backward.

I asked, "Caitlin? Are you okay?"

This wasn't choking or any sort of death spasm. I could've been fine with that. No. This was the wind up. And here's the pitch:

She was preparing a monster laugh. She inhaled sharply, opened her mouth, and the sound that emerged could best be described as a baby elephant that was just force-fed a tuba.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA," she expelled, and every head in the place, at least a hundred people, turned our way.

This wasn't so bad. As long as she didn't follow it up with a snort. Please don't snort. Please don't snort. Please don't–


I considered the bright side, which involves inserting a line on my resume (under skills) that reads, "Able to turn a woman into the loudest thing in Boston."


  1. Oh my god. I know exactly who that is. Scary.

  2. She was faking the snort to cover up the queefing. Some girls queef when they laugh and it can be embarrassing so they cover it up with a snort. When you get to know her better, she will stop with the snorting and you'll hear the queefing.

  3. "Able to turn a woman into the loudest thing in Boston" Sounds good on a resume... if you were a porn star I guess.

    But wow.. what a laugh...

  4. That's intense. I would have died from embarrassment. I feel sorry for that chick's friends.

  5. "I was lettin' the hijinks fly fast, and she was diggin' my groove."

    You sound like a huge nerd, and she sounds perfect for you.


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