Non-Exclusive Is the New Exclusive

I met Orla on an online dating site.  She's an elementary teacher at a local charter school and enjoys golfing.  I take her out to coffee.

Once we're seated, I ask, "So Orla, have you always been from the area?"

She shakes her head.  "No.  I'm from Maine.  I followed a boyfriend here about three years ago.  I found my job and then we split up."

"Now that your relationship is over, do you still like being here?"

"It's okay, I guess.  Just like anywhere else.  And I still get regular sex."

I sputter as if someone had poured pepper into my coffee.  "What?"

"I still live with my boyfriend.  Ex-boyfriend.  And we still have sex."  She smiles, as if fondly recalling the sex that she frequently has.

"Hmmm.  I–"

"Mind-blowing sex."

I sit back, trying to find a mental machete to slash through this unexpectedly dead-end road.  I say, "So... you're... hmm... are you actually looking for another relationship right now, then?"

She nods as if explaining something for the fifteenth time to a developmentally disabled child.  "Yes I am.  Roger and I are totally incompatible as a relationship, but we're still friends."

"I see."

"Friends who have incredible sex."

"So I hear.  Listen, Orla... you seem very sweet, but I don't think I could involve myself in this situation.  I'm not a fan of baggage or strings or–"

"What's the problem?  I can still date around and have sex with whoever I want.  If I find something that I want to have turn exclusive, then whoever it is will have to understand that I'll still be sleeping with Roger every now and then."

I stare at her.  "So by exclusive, you mean–"

"It's my body.  I can do what I want with it, right?"



I drink down the rest of my coffee.  "Right.  Including never having it touched by another guy, because of your messed-up relationship with Roger."

We're silent for several moments.  She blurts, "Are you like, from the Victorian era or something?"

I say, "No, but you're definitely a strumpet."


  1. You can always work that into your favor, she sounds like a freak. Three some comes to mind.

  2. if only she had a girlfriend instead...

  3. sounds like an exact copy of a how i met your mother episode. how original.

  4. more of a trollop than a strumpet, i'd say.

  5. why take the negative side to this and label her a whore? grow up and play the game openly, it's a lot more fun that way. Looks like she weeded out a conformist weenie-boy to me....

  6. I moved down here from Maine, and I went on this date with a guy I thought was really cute, but he turned out to be not just a prude, but a judgemental ass, and very likely a cloest msygyionist. And also a cry-baby, since after acting like a total jerkstore, he posted the story of our date on the internet like he was the one who was wronged. I'm glad he showed his true colors early, or I might have actually made it to a second date with this self-absorbed prick.

  7. Seriously dude, the wrong person posted about that date.

  8. Sorry, having a regular sex partner on the side is something that you mention *before* the first date, not during it.

  9. Hillarious. The Girl has got problems.

  10. Apparently only "weenies" want to know who's screwing their partner or whose child they are raising. Way to be a grown woman there.

  11. That's quite possibly the most messed up thing I've ever heard.

    Also, what up with the commenter who told a random life story? Does that have anything to do with this one?

  12. Are you being sarcastic Mallory? That's the girl from the story. Or I should say that could be the girl from the story since anyone can impersonate her.

  13. Nice use of the word 'strumpet' :)

    Sure the girl is entitled to do whatever she wants, but she sure doesn't understand the word 'exclusive'. I can just see her trying to explain to the priest when she's getting married that she wants all references to God replaced with "Roger".

  14. Obligatory note: the promiscuous people I know are quite good about taking appropriate precautions against STIs.

    Then again, these same people also tend to know the meaning of "exclusive", and that it doesn't refer to them.


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