The Naked Horror

Submitted by Audrey:

I worked as a waitress at a bar one summer, and Aaron came in repeatedly to hang around during my shifts and asked me out. I agreed to go on an evening picnic to Lake Michigan. 
Aaron showed up half an hour late, and was dropped off... by his mom.  He said that his car had broken down, but when I asked what was wrong with it, he stumbled over every word, causing me to wonder if he actually had a car at all.  Feeling forgiving, I drove the hour to Lake Michigan, and we walked down to the beach to set up the picnic.
Aaron pulled a red blanket out of a grocery bag, laid it out on the sand, and sat down.  I looked to him for the rest of the picnic, or even a bottle of wine, anything.  He didn't say a word and motioned for me to sit down in front of him, looking at the setting sun. I leaned back against his knees for a while, then sat up and crossed my legs as I watched the sun sinking below the waves. 
Aaron had been quiet for a while when I looked back at him.  He was sitting behind me, buck naked, cross-legged, looking down at his erection, and smiling.  Then he looked up at me, attempting to be coy, and asked, "Wanna get under the blanket?"

I was too shocked for words and jolted upright onto my feet, but I couldn't draw my eyes away from his excited face... and body.  Finally, I managed to eke out an "Oh, hell no."  I walked quickly, almost ran, back toward my car, thanking God that his car was broken down or that he didn't have one.  Aaron scrambled to get his clothes together.  I got to the car first, fired it up, and left him at the beach.
Guys, note to selves:  Girls usually don't find spontaneous male exhibitionism sexy.  Scary, NOT sexy.


  1. Good for you for ditching that freak! I would have done the same thing.

  2. Man... nobody EVER likes the suprise nakedness...

    We do not live in the best of all possible worlds.

  3. I'm a guy. Thanks for the note! Note to Audrey: Guys usually don't find spontaneous male exhibitionism something that crosses their mind on first dates. Too bad the schmuck you found has led you to think so.

  4. You were working as a waitress at a cocktail bar, when I met you...

  5. Just do yourself a favor and don't assume all guys are like that.

  6. I don't think I believe this...come on, she couldn't 't hear him taking off his clothes? Was the sun so hypnotizing that it blocked out the rustling sound as he removed his clothes in haste? She herself said he had been quiet for a while. I would have left the moment I heard a zipper. Fake!


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