The Bag's on You, Sir

Submitted by Hylas:

I met him on a dating website. Maybe that was my first mistake. He'd messaged me, and I couldn't help but love his Star Wars tattoos. I have a thing for inked up geeky guys. He seemed like a prime contender.

We met informally for milkshakes, and I had a fine time, though I couldn't help but notice he kept calling me "sir." I thought maybe he was just being playful, or it was some kind of habit. Then we had our first official date...

He came to my place wearing only a cut-off t-shirt and skin-tight jeans. We had decided to go for sushi at a place near my house, so I insisted he borrow a shirt with sleeves. He didn't quite understand why it mattered, but we went on to dinner and had a fine time.

Over the course of dinner he mentioned that he had a degree in sociology, and took special interest in the power structures of different societies, and how every relationship had to have a dominant figure and a submissive. I found that an odd thing to say, but didn't really challenge him.

After dinner we came back to my place and he came in to change shirts. I stepped into the bathroom while he changed. When I came back out, I found he had stripped completely naked and stood in the middle of my bedroom. He told me he was a "submissive bottom" hoping I would train him, and wanted me to inspect his body and make sure it was to my liking. The first thing I noticed was his monster foreskin.

If I didn't know a guy had to grow his own, I would swear he bought it at Lane Bryant. It looked like a penis muumuu! I tried to hide my revulsion as I told him I was tired and needed to go to bed. He then lay down on my bed, face down. I told him I meant that I needed to go to bed - alone.

The next time we talked I told him that I didn't think we were well matched, but that I had a wonderful time at dinner. He expressed his disappointment: "Why wouldn't you train me, sir?"

"Because," I said, "I just don't think I have the time for dating right now, Baggy."

I'd let it slip: the nickname for him I couldn't get out of my head. The truth was, ever since seeing him that night in his naked glory, that voluminous foreskin was all I could think about.

"Did you call me Baggy?" he asked.

"Yeah, that's my nickname for you," I confessed.

"Why's that?"

"Because," I said, thinking fast, "you always wear tight jeans. It's ironic!"

To my surprise, he loved that...