1/08/2016

Do Those Legs Go All the Way 7UP?

Story Sent in by Todd:

There's a pretty outdoor mall not far from my apartment. On one of the first nice spring days of the year, I took Louise there to walk around, grab a bite to eat, and maybe catch a movie.

Throughout the mall, there were shrub-lined sidewalks. Louise and I made our way down one in no particular hurry when she suddenly stopped and stared across the mall.

"Is that a Claire's?" she asked.

It was, a bit of a walk away. But that didn't stop Louise. She bellowed, "Claire's!" like a battle cry and ran for it away from the sidewalk and into the bushes, I suppose trying to find a shortcut.

She didn't make it far before she tripped up and sank to the ground. I caught up with her and found her rubbing her ankles. "I scratched my legs," she said, "Ow!"

She moaned and groaned for a little while and she finally wobbled up but nearly collapsed again. I held her steady and she said, "I need you to carry me."

"Is it that bad? Maybe I should take you to a hospital."

"No! Claire's. I just really wanted to go."

I laughed. "I'm not carrying you to Claire's."

"You wouldn't do that for me?"

I repeated, "If your legs are so injured that you can't even walk, I think you need paramedics or something."

"Okay. Put me down for a sec."

I did. She then said, "Could you go grab me a soda? Anything. Maybe it's just low blood sugar or something."

I jogged to the food court, grabbed her a small 7UP, and returned to where the tragedy had occurred. She was gone. I looked around for her and even called her phone. No luck either way, so I drank the 7UP, didn't visit Claire's, and went on about my day.

7 comments:

  1. Well, you failed her shit test. Good on ya!

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  2. People that "test" others to see how they'd stack up to unrealistic and often bizarre standards are the reason I signed up to move to mars. I wonder if my date would carry me there.

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  3. I can't imagine why anyone would want to go to Claire's. We're talking about the shop with cheap jewelry that pierces with a gun, right? Definitely not worth getting scratched over.

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  4. As a diabetic, I can confirm that low blood sugar makes your legs get scratched.

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  5. She clearly wanted to recreate the iconic scene from An Officer and a Gentleman. Except, this time, she's carried to Claire's...

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  6. I had my ears pierced at Claire's when I was nine.I was horrified to find out years later that those piercing guns are unsanitary, from, of all people, the piercer at my local tattoo parlor. I'm damn lucky I listened to those explicit cleaning instructions.

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