11/23/2012

Fluid Dynamics

Story Sent in by Amber:

Robert and I were at dinner together on a first date off an online site. I felt as though he had kind of rushed us into a first meeting, but it was one of my first times meeting someone from online, and I was still figuring out how it all worked.

Anyway at dinner, he kept making cracks about the fact that I was drinking only water. He said, "I'm paying, so you order whatever you want. Even diet soda. Water is like diet... everything."

I told him I was fine, but he kept on it. He wanted me to order alcohol, and I didn't really want any. As he drank more, though, his sense of restraint fell by the wayside. It went from, "You should order something" to "I'm going to order you something, whether you want it or not."

He ordered me a vodka and coke. I told him, as politely as I could, that I probably wasn't going to drink any of it. He said, "Oh, you'll drink it. Or else you're going to have to tell me some other way I can talk my way into your pants."

That made me jolt. He went on, "With all that water you've been drinking, it's gotta be, you know... down there... pretty moist..."

I said, "If it was, it isn't, anymore. Excuse me."

I stood up to go (I didn't feel so bad about it, since he did say he was paying for the meal) and he lurched across the table to stop me. I backed off and he said, "Okay, if you want to go ahead and ruin your life, then I won't stop you. You'll be back. They all come back. All of them! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

I didn't go back.

4 comments:

  1. So this guy not only tries to ply women with alcohol to get laid, but also tells the woman about his plan? That's genius!

    It was nice of him to let the OP in on the fact that he has no basic understanding of how a vagina works. Unless mine is malfunctioning, drinking a ton of water didn't make me "moist", it made me pee. Which I guess does make my vagina momentarily moist. Ok, maybe Robert truly is a genius!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He also actually says "they all come back" and laughs maniacally. I think OP unwittingly entered a james bond movie from the 60's

      Delete
  2. "I said, If it was, it isn't, anymore. Excuse me.'"

    heeheehee

    ReplyDelete
  3. There's a scene in Smashed where He says to Her, in a sincere and unaggressive way, "I want to **** your moist *****." She doesn't take offense but assures Him that that line will never get him laid.

    ReplyDelete

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