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6/28/2012

Man, You'll Be a Woman Soon

Story Sent in by Lucas:

Tonya and I were on the same dating site, and I messaged her after reading her profile. She shot back a message with a line that said, "Are your pictures really pictures of you? You look like Brad Pitt."

For the record, the pictures I used on my profile were 100% of me, and I do not believe that I look a thing like Brad Pitt. I figured that she was just trying to compliment me, and I thanked her in my next message. She didn't mention it again.

On our date, I arranged to meet her at an Italian restaurant that she had wanted to try. When she saw me for the first time, in front of the place, she shook my hand and said, "You don't look a thing like Brad Pitt."

I replied, "I'm glad that we both have that in common. It's nice to meet you."

"Yeah," she said, "I kind of need a Brad Pitt fix, now. I have a DVD player in my car." She glanced behind herself, presumably at where she had parked.

I asked, "Want to do dinner, first? I know you've been looking forward to trying this place."

She replied, "Actually, I want to watch Brad Pitt in something. Do you have any of his movies?"

"On me? No. I didn't bring any DVDs."

She looked around and said, "I know where a Redbox is. I'll be back in a couple of hours. Wait for me?"

She turned and headed back towards the way she had come. I jogged alongside her and asked, "Are you being serious, here?" At that point, I was pretty sure (or at least I hoped) that she wasn't.

She said, "I'm sure. I thought you looked like Brad Pitt online, so I got really excited and now I get here and you don't look like him, which is okay, but I wanted to have my Brad Pitt fix tonight, so I'm going to a Redbox to get my fix. It's a girl thing."

"It is?"

She replied, the last thing she ever said to me, "Once you're a girl, you'll understand."

"Once I'm a girl? You know something I don't?"

She didn't answer. I let her turn the corner and go. If and when I'm a girl, I hope I'm given a bit more sense than Tonya had.

10 comments:

"You don't look a thing like Brad Pitt."
=
"Fuck me, you're ugly. I'm leaving."

As a girl, I've never thought Brad Pitt was all that. Gerard Butler on the other hand...

I know right, Sandy? :) Totally agree. How strange....

perhaps she messages dozens of guys, and got her wires crossed?

... If i had a nickel for every time a girl thought I looked like Brad Pitt, Id have 0 nickels

As a guy, I'd have no problem looking like Brad Pitt (or Gerard Butler), although I wouldn't want to smell like he reportedly does.

People used to say I look like Woody Harrelson, more recently like Drew Carey.

Too bad for Lucas. I saw a Thelma and Louise moment looming there.

The driving off the cliff moment?

^LOL

I meant a Brad Pitt / Geena Davis moment.

Brad Pitt has gotten boring. I'd rather have Jason Statham.

See, I think Kevin Spacey is sexy. To each her own. But in the interest of the story - rude, rude girl.

A few people have said I have a Kim Kardashian thing going on...

...I've never been more insulted in my life.

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