Wolfing it Down

Story Sent in by Monica:

Freshman year of college, I was in a study group with about seven other students. One of them was Dylan. He usually sat close to me and we talked together probably more than either of us spoke to anyone else in the group. One night he stayed with me in the lounge, after everyone else had left.

"Hey," he said, "I kind of like you." I was surprised, but he seemed like a nice guy, if a little quiet, and when he floated the idea of going out for ice cream sometime during the next weekend, I took him up on it.

Two days later, we were at an ice cream parlor, and he paid for our frozen treats. I thanked him, we sat down, and he said, "So the first thing you should know about me is that I'm not like other people. I see things differently."

I asked, "How so?"

"Well, I don't think I'm fully human." he said.

"Like, you're part mermaid?"

He laughed and said, "No, nothing that ridiculous. I am part animal, though. I think. A wolf. I hear them at night, even though there aren't supposed to be any around here. I grow hair like crazy, and my nails also grow long and sharp."

He shoveled some ice cream into his mouth and said, "If I was your boyfriend, I'd protect you against everybody."

"What happens during a full moon?" I asked him.

He shrugged. "I don't know. I don't think one's happened in my lifetime."

I said, "A full moon? One happens every month."

He slurped down more ice cream and said, "Then I guess that's when my powers are at their highest. I don't know for sure. I've always had a high power level. At least 70,000 points."

"Relative to what? Like, what would be an elephant's power level?"

He laughed and said, "About 4,000. I could beat an elephant easy. Check it out." He took his cup of ice cream and balanced it on his head.

I smiled and did the same thing. He scowled at me, grabbed the ice cream from off his head, wolfed it down, then asked me, "Ready to go?" before I was done.

"No," I said, "Are we in a hurry?"

"Yeah," he said, then left.

He never came to study group again after that, but whenever I saw him otherwise, he averted his eyes and pretended that I wasn't there. Who knew that balancing ice cream on your head was enough to knock a power level 70,000 down a few pegs?


  1. I think I actually met this guy at a party. He introduced himself as Flamewolf. The first thing he brought up in conversation was that his soul was part wolf and that he was a wiccan chaos mage.

    So . . . yeah, that happened.

  2. So, you're saying his power level is [well] OVER 9,000!!?!?!?

  3. When I see these kinds of stories, I have to agree that laying off World of Warcraft might give some people a chance to succeed in the "real world"...

  4. The Twilight Saga claims yet another doos, I mean victim.

  5. I just want to say that despite my user name, this person is not me! Personally I have well over 300,000 power points, and my powers allow me to balance on my head not just an ice cream CUP, but an ice cream CONE!

  6. There is a recurring theme on this site. Theme: Laydeez (bitches) who think they smarter and better than the mans. The mans is so smart! They are the rulers of the womens! Haven't you heard Michelle Bachman talk about her marriage? The Bible says that the man is the head of the woman. Women, just defer and stop being smarter/better than the mans and you will soon be married, barefoot, and pregnant in the kitchen.

  7. The power level points thing is a reference to Dragon Ball Z, which is also the source of the "over 9000" internet meme. So he was either trolling you or mega-nerdy enough to bring up anime/internet stuff on a date. Either way you're better off without him.

  8. Up until he got mad when she could balance the cup he was charming her, way to be a moron.

    Here is what he should have done;

    "BAlancing that cup on your head is easy, now it get's REALLY hard when you kiss someone at the same time, i bet you can't do that *wink*"
    Lean in and you're in. Instead he ended up here and probably spraining his hand over the next couple of years. Life's a bitch

  9. Wolfdreams - which way up??

  10. How does balancing a cup of ice cream on your head translate to beating an elephant?

  11. The pointy end on top, Badgerdaddy. The only way to balance it on its tip would be if you attain power level 500,000 and unite all the Dragonballs! (But I hear it's TOTALLY worth it.)


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