6/29/2011

Hands Across Hysteria

Story Sent in by Callie:

When I was in college, George found me via an online dating site.  As it turned out, he went to my university, and we were even in one of the same big lecture classes together.  Thinking it a happy coincidence, we maintained a correspondence and found each other after class one day.

We strolled to the student union and he bought me lunch.  As we sat down, the conversation was typical, awkward, getting-to-know-you-to-see-if-we-could-be-more-than-friends banter until he looked over my shoulder, turned a shade whiter, and sunk down, nearly under the table.

"What's wrong?" I asked him, looking around.

"Don't look!" he warned me, "She'll spot me."

"Who?"

"Tracey Pelton.  My ex."

Oh boy.  I asked him, "Why does it matter if she sees you out and about?"

"I haven't seen her since the breakup.  Things ended really badly."

"How badly?"

"Uh, I may have run over her pet rabbit."

I nearly stood up and left him on the spot.  I couldn't think of the right words to say.  In the middle of my wondering of how to best end our lunch as quickly as possible, he went on, "I didn't really.  I threatened to, but I didn't.  But she deserved it.  She cheated on me.  I think."

"So you threatened to kill her pet?  I'm sorry, I think I'm done with this."  I gathered my lunch and stood up, but he reached across the table and grabbed my wrist.

"Don't go!" he said, "She'll see!"

"Let go of me!"  I wrenched my arm away from him, pulling him across the table.  His drink toppled over, and the table very nearly tipped.  He yelled out, and all eyes turned to the scene, including the eyes of Miss. Tracey Pelton, herself.  I was able to walk briskly away without further incident, and he didn't follow me out.

An email arrived from him over the dating site a few hours later:

"Well thanks a lot!  I got in HUGE TROUBLE and worst of all Tracey saw me and now she thinks I'm insane.  Now she'll never want me back, and I owe it all to you!  THANKS A LOT, BITCH."

You're welcome.  And thank you for not ever contacting or harassing me again during my college career.

10 comments:

  1. Ah, yes: the good old "my actions are YOUR fault" method of going through life!

    Fellow commentariat, I'm only stalking y'all cause you MAKE me.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Cause clearly his ex wanted him back before that especially after he threatened her bunny. Btw, awesomest title (acronym HAH).

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  3. Yes Agnes, I hope you're happy now. Because YOU said you are stalking me, I decided that since EVERYONE is allowed to stalk who they want, why shouldn't I go check out the bedroom window of my attractive neighbour?

    Now everyone's saying I'm some kind of Peeping Tom, *and* blaming me for the cat's broken leg.

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  4. "She cheated on me! And now she won't take me back!"

    Wait... what?

    ReplyDelete
  5. C'mon! Who hasn't threatened a loved one's pet a couple of times?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonyme, yep, my bad for making you do that. Do you think the neighbor's cat will forgive me if I bring it tuna? I can drop that off on my way to sitting outside your window, so it won't be any extra hassle!

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  7. I'm just a little confused about the fate of the pet rabbit. Is he saying he threatened it but didn't run it over? Or did somebody else happen to run it over and she blamed him because he'd threatened to? And more importantly, why was her rabbit running around in the road? Maybe I missed something. He sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do, anyway.

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  8. Wait a minute, I read a story like this on this site only it was the guys point of view and he ACCIDENTLY hit the rabbit because the girlfriend(Ex-now) put it behind the car while in the cage and he didnt see it. And she yelled and there was huge fight and they broke up. And he was telling this story to a person he was out on a date with and the girl started acted all weird and stupid and up and left... hmm wonder if its the same guy you speak of in this story and wonder which story is true if it is the same lol..

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  9. That was a rebuttal story! We have those!

    http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/search/label/Rebuttal

    And:
    http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/2011/09/rebuttal-post-hands-across-hysteria.html

    ReplyDelete
  10. It looks like Sugar daddy! In which sugar daddy rich men paying a hell amount to there sugar babies who are the students of the universities and colleges!

    ReplyDelete

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