Story Sent in by Colin:
I was on a first date with Kelly when I met Cindy, who was our waitress. My relationship with Kelly turned into a friendship, and the next time I was in the restaurant's neighborhood, I stopped in to see if Cindy was working, which she was.
I chatted her up as best as I could, given that she was on the clock, and I asked her out on a date of our own.
So it came to pass that Cindy and I ended up at dinner together, at a different restaurant altogether, of course.
The waitress took our drink orders, and afterward, Cindy said, "If you flirt with her, I'll cut your balls off and feed them to you for your dinner sandwich. I know how you operate."
After a few stunned, silent moments, I said, "I don't think it's necessary to threaten me. I'm on a date with you and wasn't planning to flirt with anyone. In fact, when I was on my date with Kelly, I don't think I flirted with you at all."
"Well you were obviously thinking of something raunchy when I was your waitress that time, or you wouldn't have asked me out now, right?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Even if you don't explicitly flirt, I'll know if you think of something raunchy. I can tell."
I replied, "The waitress is about 60 or so."
"I don't care how old she is. If you flirt with her, then there go your balls. Swear to God."
I didn't flirt with our waitress, but despite my best efforts, I guess that I couldn't convince Cindy that I wasn't thinking nasty thoughts. The waitress came back once to ask us if we were ready to order. Cindy said that she needed a few more minutes.
Before the waitress came back a second time, Cindy excused herself from the table and said, "I'll be right back."
"Where are you going?" I asked
"To fetch a big knife. You need to see that I mean business. Won't be a minute."
She left the restaurant, and I grabbed the check right after. Funny thing was, I'd see it as a ploy on her part to receive free food, but aside from my soda, we hadn't ordered anything by that point. Before Cindy came back, I left.
Shortly thereafter, she sent me two texts. One said, "Now I have a big knife. I'm coming back." The other said, "Where are you?"
She never found me, and I'm glad.